Somewhere Outside Manhattan

I kinda like them

2012-01-27T11:10:00.003-07:00

Least you think that this was my doing (the matching outfits) it was not. It was 100% the brain child of my eldest. And her sisters were feeling cooperative.

I kinda like my kids. Not always, but lately I have really been having fun with them.

Eliana is the sweetest 6 year old. Helpful and usually very kind. Full of creative games that involve her sisters. Generally loves to spend time "doing school" and can't get enough learning in general. Still has a running commentary about life.

Addilyn is sweet and funny. She is creative in her own right, enjoys playing by herself if Eliana is busy but usually ready to go with whatever crazy game her big sis has invented. She also plays very sweetly with her little sis.

Annabelle is a cuddle bug. Wanting to snuggle and chat, bring me toys, read a story. Always ready for a snack but big enough to wait when I ask her to. Yeah, she melts down. A little sympathy goes a long way for this kid. If I ask her to, she can usually vocalize why she is angry and calms down quickly.

Today is the second rainy day in a row. Ugh. I hate being stuck inside and am not used to it. It just doesn't happen that often in CO. So we blew up a massive ball and rolled around inside of it for a while (after moving the furniture out of the way). Today is National Chocolate Cake day so we youtubed a bunch of videos about where chocolate comes from and are baking a cake. Kids are all napping now and I already consider today a success. I had fun. My kids had fun. Overall, they were nice to each other.

There are childhood stages that are not my favorite. Infanthood comes to mind. But this? I like this. I kinda like these children of mine.

Happy Birthday Addilyn Joy!

2012-01-23T20:15:00.002-07:00

Addilyn,

Happy birthday, big girl! I love your laugh, your zest for life, your need to move. I love that you want to be a donut on Halloween and have a rainbow birthday party, your drummer has a beat all it's own and I can't wait to see where it leads you as you grow. Your eyes have a sparkle, both joyous and mischievous. You keep me on my toes, are always ready to snuggle or get in a tickle fight.

You have an uncanny ability to trash clothing, spill milk, run into objects and make everyone in a room smile. With a dialect all your own, you love to chat as you help me in the kitchen or follow me as I straighten up. Content to play quietly by yourself or follow Eliana's lead in a game of pretend, you do such a good job watching out for your little sister.

I am so pleased with the little girl you are becoming, God is going to do such cool things with your life. I count my blessings for every day I get to spend as your mommy, watching your zest and spice for life reminds me to fully live in the moment. You warm my heart every time you hug and kiss my belly, so excited to meet your brother. I am so glad you are ours to raise. Happy birthday, Sunshine.

Love, Mommy

The Bump- 23 weeks

2012-01-22T20:33:00.002-07:00

I would like to introduce you to our SON! Did you know we could make BOY babies? I didn't. In keeping with the surprise theme of this pregnancy, we learned that this baby is a boy! We were going to wait, but during the ultrasound it was pretty obvious that this was no little girl. Matt and I and the girls are so excited to meet this kid, buy something blue and start thinking of baby names.

Not Christmas

2011-12-30T09:56:00.002-07:00

I should be blogging about Christmas. After all, we have had three. One Crocker Christmas in Jersey, one Chambers Christmas in Pubelo and one Ross Christmas in Denver. They were all awesome. We were blessed beyond reason. My children had a blast and have loved all their new gifts. And, really, that is all I have to say about Christmas.

This year I felt rather grinchy. Matt was no better, which is unusual, since he LOVES Christmas. We put up a tree and some decorations, but I didn't make the massive amounts of cookies and treats that I usually do because I didn't really have anyone I wanted to give them to. And there was the root of it.

I love Christmas because I love the excuse to spend extra time with friends and family. I love the parties. I love the having people over for dinner and making treats for those I care about. I love being part of a church family who strives to shower those in the community with love. But this year, we didn't really have that. Yes, we have friends in Jersey. My kids were part of plenty of Christmas festivities, parties and celebrations. But the soul of Christmas just wasn't there. The really close friends who have known my children from birth, the aunts and uncles, grandparents of several generations and the cousins we all absent.

At this point some might be ready to mount the soap box about the "real" reason for Christmas. I have strong memories about that in my childhood. Christmas was a season of guilt. Every time I got excited about the presents and the parties, the pretty dresses and decor, I was reminded that none of that mattered, it was all about Jesus. This was traditional sledge hammer Christianity, never miss the opportunity to wallop someone with "truth" and "God" while smacking all the happy out of them. On a side note, I think this is why I have always loved Thanksgiving, all the family and treats and none of the guilt for not feeling and thinking the "right" things. After all, only the pious actually understand Christmas. Those little children who feel nothing but joy are just missing the point, being worldly. Sigh. We will have to pray for them.

And here I am faced with yet another parenting delema. We have chosen to forgo, AWANA clubs aside, the traditional Christian rhetoric with our children. Our goal is not to raise well churched kids or Evangelicals who sign on the republican party line. But while tossing out this bathwater, it seems so easy to send the baby flying. I don't ever want my kids to think they are Christians because of our Sunday activities. I don't want them sorting out the world into the "us and them" and thinking that we are the ones who have it all together. I want to take the sledge hammer away and replace it with the humility of love and gospel of truth. I want the good, hard conversations to happen naturally from doing life with my kids, not as a set apart "family bible time" or anything contrived, but something that flows from who we are.

As Christmas came around, we didn't have the whole church thing to fall back on. I would love to be able to say that teaching my children truth is the Sunday school programs job. But I don't buy it. How do we raise up children who respond to truth out of senscerity of heart, not out of guilt or habit of behavior? I want my children to celebrate Jesus' birthday like they do everyone elses who they love. I want them to be happy about the cake, the presents, the festivities. I want them to believe in Santa, because if there was one dude out there who really nailed the idea of love and celebrating a birthday of a king, he was the one! I want Christmas to be joyful without being an excuse to sneak in extra bible lessons just to keep my kids pious. And I don't know how to do it.

This year I wasn't at my best. Sure, we played with our nativity, read the Christmas story and had (coffee) birthday cake for Jesus. My girls know why we celebrate. But they also know about why the Jews celebrate. So maybe this is a blog post about Christmas after all. But it is also about living authentically, parenting, failure, and grace. Grace, which I am constantly seeking with wisdom, prayers that my children will turn out ok in spite of me.

Hair

2011-12-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

Every so often I get a wild hair and decide to grow out my hair. It is never a good idea. I don't look good with long hair. This is part due to general laziness on my part. And, it really just doesn't look good on me. So I chopped it off. Top is the before pic, bottom is the after.

High Rollin'

2011-12-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

Since Matt worked remotely for old company (read: in his jammies in the basement) We missed a lot of the whole "corporate" life thing. Part of that is good. Matt got way more done out of the office without all the meetings and politics. Part of it was sad, we missed all the celebrations, which at old company were few and far between. Apparently, they like to party at new company.

Matt had told me weeks ago that there was a Christmas party that we had reservations for. He mentioned he thought it might be a big deal. I started planning some cute slacks and tops I had on hand. Three days before the party, he sheepishly informed me that it was a black tie event. Awesome. Nothing like being several month pregnant and having to look good in a dress. I told him I was wearing strategically placed bows.

I ended up finding a cute dress that fit both over the bump and bust, without either spilling out. Matt had his 3 piece pin stripe suit cleaned and pressed. We call up the baby sitter and headed out for a night on the town. And what a night it was.

Open bars, table after table of amazing food like prime rib, a whole roast pig, and oysters. And that was just the cocktail hour. We were then moved into the ball room for dancing and dinner of salmon or steak, salad, more drinks and palate clenseres. And just when you think you couldn't eat another bite, another room full of tables of desserts. Ice cream, cotton candy, chocolate fountains, dessert shots, oh my.

The night was a lot of fun. It isn't often we get all dolled up and hang with grown ups all evening. Alright, it is often FOR ME! It was fun that our friends were sitting at the same table as us and that everyone was dancing. If you have never seen a room full of Korean execs dancing to pop music you haven't lived.

My friend Amy and I, so nice that they were at our table!
Our buddy Brian, often found on Sunday evenings on our couch watching football and eating snacks with Matt. Who knew he cleaned up so well?
Matt and I. He looked so handsome in his suit. I might make him take me out to fancy places more often just to see him looking so dapper.

Christmas in the City

2011-12-13T07:34:00.003-07:00

You can't live this close to New York City and NOT go in to see all the Christmas hulabaloo. This weekend, we packed up the girls and braved the madness. And oh.my.word. was it MADNESS!! First stop was the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. To give you an idea of the insanity, they actually CLOSE DOWN STREETS. Annabelle and Addilyn were in the stroller for the ride, Eliana was holding my hand. I picked her up so she could see.
The tree was beautiful, as were the lights and decorations around the city. Next stop was the American Girl store. Three big stories of over priced dolls and about 500 people. Elie and Addilyn loved it. Annabelle put up with it as long as we kept feeding her snacks.
Then off to the worlds biggest Toys R Us in Times square. Also three stories, with a massive Ferris wheel in the lobby. Of all the things we saw, I am pretty sure my girls were most impressed with the T-Rex in toys are us that moved and "roared". With small children spent, we headed back to our car. We parked in an underground lot and were charged $50 for special event parking. Still not sure what event was the special on. Christmas? Oh well, nothing say "Merry Christmas from New York" like getting ripped off.

I am glad we ventured into the city. Despite the cold, the crowd, the cost, it is nice to check off the list of cool things we did while living on the east coast.

Christmas in the Village

2011-12-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

We live in a very quaint little Village, complete with main street, library, post office and town hall. They are big on celebrations here. For Halloween they closed down the street and had all the shops open booths. For Independence day they do a huge parade. And for Christmas, a tree lighting. Main street is a short walk from our house, so we went to check out the festivities, complete with the high school choir and band and Santa's arrival in...get this...a FIRE TRUCK!

We invited some friends to come along for the fun. The girls thought it was a kick and us grown-up's enjoyed the walk on a cool December evening. Mrs. Clause was there passing out candy canes along with an elf (in Nikes) There are some benefits to living the small town life.

A our house

2011-12-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

- We have 2 light triggered puzzles, one that is farm animals and one that is musical instruments. At any given time, they randomly start playing the violin or meowing like a cat. Disturbing when you turn out the lights in the evening only to hear paino music and a moo.

- I am much to aware of the rest of the family's bowel habits. Why is it that I seem to be the only one who remembers to flush?

-We go through cups at an alarming rate. I am pretty sure there must be a very thirsty elf hiding somewhere drinking copious amounts. My dishwasher is full every night with cups and Matt and I are the only ones tall enough to reach the cup cabinet.

-I washed a least 2 dozen pairs of little girls underwear this week. I do laundry, all laundry, every week. Which of my children is doubling up on the panties? By my count I should only be washing 14 pair a week.

-I find legos in the dryer, ponies in the bathtub and puzzle pieces between the sheets. Yet I can't find two matching socks. How can this be? I am not throwing away socks, so they must be here somewhere. When ever I find/wash sock, I put them in the drawer. The same Elf who is using my cups is stealing my socks.

Food

2011-11-30T00:22:00.000-07:00

In a given month, the Crocker family goes through:

6 gallons of whole milk

8 dozen eggs

6 lb of banana

10 pounds of cheese

3 large containers of yogurt

8 lbs of apple

6 lbs of pairs

12 packages of frozen veggies (corn, peas, spinach, Brussels sprouts, mixed)

3 lbs of baby carrots

3 lbs of applesauce

2 large containers of cottage cheese

4 loaves of normal bread (2 of gluten free)

1 giant tub of peanut butter

Today, I am greatful for a husband with a good job and Costco.

Baby Belle

2011-11-29T11:53:00.003-07:00

When your children are born, you have grandiose ideas of who they will grow to be. A percosious toddler charming those at the local bookstore while your husband and you quietly sip coffee and read the New Yorker? A mild mannered pixy who bats eyelashes shyly from behind your leg while waiting in line at the store? The beautiful child in a stroller who people stop to coo at?

Motherhood is a reality check on so many levels. I have learned to never say the words "oh, we won't EVER do that with our kid". God has a sense of humor that is a little off color. While you hope your child will be blessed with you and your mates best attributes, the mix doesn't always come out so...tidy.

Belle is my third kid. You would think I would have been humbled enough at this point to better roll with the punches that parenthood delivers. Tiny but vocal from the very beginning, she was not to be overlooked. She somehow didn't get the memo that if you are going to be high maintenance you should have been born first. The picture above pretty much "captures" our youngest.

Annabelle is her own person, thankyouverymuch!! Not one to be told what to do, she isn't interested in making friends and doesn't think your teasing is in the least bit funny. Sweet and easy going while living a predictable life at home, she is quick to let the world know if they have messed up her grove. No, she doesn't want to go to the zoo, a parade, a friends house. No, she won't smile nicely at the librarian who knows her by name. No, she won't wave to the little old lady who thinks she is cute. Don't even think of laughing when she is mid-fit or you will suffer her wrath.

At the age of just-turned 2, she sings the ABC's and speaks in full and understandable sentences. She counts to ten. She loves to sing and play with her sisters, pretend to be a mommy, help in the kitchen, fold the laundry. But don't mess with this little package, don't get in her space, don't try and be her friend because she is not interested. I worry about different things with each of my children, with Annabelle it is that she will cold clock someone at the age of 4 and learn to flip off her teachers in kindergarten.

Chalk this kid up to another lesson in parent humility.

Solo

2011-11-13T17:56:00.002-07:00

I was told by my mother when I was a teen that my curfew was midnight because "nothing good happens after midnight". If that is true at 16, I am pretty sure that "nothing good happens before six a.m" is true for my current station in life. Some may argue that it is always true, but not Annabelle.

For the last few weeks, the babe has been up before the sun. It isn't exactly the fault of the whole "fall back" time change, but that didn't help matters. Normally this is annoying, but not really my problem as Matt is the one on call as the sun rises. Alas, Matt is in Korea and I am flying solo, desperately missing my morning wing man.

I am not ashamed to say that in the wee hours of the morning I told my not-quite two year old that I was not getting up yet, tossed her some toys and dry cheerios with a sippy and told her to play quietly. I stumbled back to my still warm bed knowing I bought myself about 15 minutes to clear the cob webs from my brain and attempt to fix my black attitude.

Fifteen minutes later, Eliana was up too. I mumbled to Elie to take her sister downstairs and feed her some grapes as I searched for my errant slipper and sweatshirt least I catch hypothermia in my attempt to make breakfast in the pre-dawn hours. Within twenty minutes all three children were happily munching boiled eggs, bagels and grapes and I was sipping on some strong and much needed coffee, trying not to feel too guilty about the unborn who was also drinking strong coffee. Sorry kid, your number four, mama's got to be able to function.

Single parenthood isn't pretty. My house is messy, and by messy I mean messier than usual, which is a state bad enough to appall my grandmother but not so bad as to be condemned by the city. My dishes pile up because my kitchen is separate from the rest of my house and if I am in there I have no idea that the baby is crying or who caused it, and I hate dishes with almost the same passion I have for mornings. I spend my days doing mundane things like folding laundry, sweeping up crushed cheerios, feeding the dog and attempting to locate lost lovies. By the end of the day my patients is thin, my brain is an oozing pile of mush due to lack of grown up interaction and my house looks even worse than when the day started despite the fact I spend most of my day picking it up.

Isolation is the crazy-making of motherhood. If it gets done, it is because I did it or bossed around a little person until they did. I walked by my half eaten dinner, cold and gelatinous, not quite remembering why it wasn't eaten. Was I getting someone more milk? Did I forget the napkins? Mopping up whatever was spilled? It doesn't matter, I scrape it into the trash.

The big girls are giggling upstairs and I am going to let them. I could go in and be the heavy, but when parenting alone, I have already been the heavy enough to day and I just don't have the heart to end their day being in trouble with mom. The babe has decided she isn't as sleepy as she thought or I wanted and is calling to be rocked. I make the closet thing to a deal with the devil as a stay at home mother can, I bargain that I will snuggle and rock for 2 minutes but then she must go to bed with no fits. I think we both know how it will end.

I scoop up the tiny person from her almost-big-girl bed and sit in the rocking chair. Her feet hang over the end and she fills my lap. One hand holds a ratty pink hippo and the other reaches to stroke my face, looking for a kiss on the palm. As I plant a smooch in the middle of the fingers, she smells of peanut butter despite the repeated washing. I smell the bubble gum toothpaste on her breath and the diaper cream on her buns, a mix of big girls and baby the betrays to speedy passage of time. I sing to her a favorite song and melt a little as she sings along, words mumbled by the binky clenched firmly in her mouth.

As I head downstairs I mentally make a list of all that needs to be done before I can put an x through this day on the calendar. I pour myself a glass of chocolate milk when what I want is a glass of wine but a mother can handle only so much guilt in a day. My house is quite except for the strange hiss and pop of the steam heaters that I have yet to become accustomed to.

My husband is starting his day on the other side of the globe. A long night spent tossing and turning on a uncomfortable bed, trying to convince his brain that it really is night and his stomach that that really was his dinner. Matt works hard for our family and I am so grateful. Because of his trips, I put my children to bed in clean jammies under warm blankets. Our home is filled with toys and love, food and pets, blessings beyond number.

I sip my chocolate milk and decide to forget doing the dishes until the morning, instead I will make cookies. My melancholy fades as I beat the eggs with the butter and sugar, knowing the pleasure fresh cookies will bring the girls. And because when the cats away, we may just eat some of these cookies for breakfast, as the sun rises and I drink a stiff cup of coffee, grateful that I get to spend another day with these so dear to me.

Wordless Wednesday- The bump 13 weeks

2011-11-09T08:19:00.001-07:00

The Rod

2011-11-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have my panties in a wad about something, so if you are not in the mood to hear me rant, please move on. I read this, and oh boy, did it get my blood hot.

I am a huge fan of "to each there own". I parent my children one way, because of who I am, who they are and what I believe to be true about children. I do not expect others to parent the same way I do. I am not raising your kid, and as long as your kid is turning out ok, more power to you!

We are not really a spanking household. My girls don't usually require it, it isn't that effective and the few time my kids have been spanked I think it was as much to make me feel better as it was to get the desired outcome.

What gets me mad is the idiot Christians who follow other idiot Christians in the misinterpretation of the bible and use it as an excuse to beat the crap out of there kids! They often quote the scripture that says "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Lets look at that a second: first, we must acknowledge it was written in reflection of shepherds and sheep. Shepherds carried rods that were a multi-purpose tool. One of the things they did with said rod was guide a wandering sheep back on to the path with a nudge. They also used rods to free sheep from bramble, there is a great story about a good shepherd rescuing his sheep with his rod. Here is what shepherd DIDN'T do with there rods: whack sheep. Funny thing, when you hit an animal with a big stick, animals then RUN from you when they see you with said stick. Not real conducive to keeping a heard together when all the sheep are running for there lives in fear of the shepherd.

"And they will know you are Christians by your love". Or, you know, by the fact they smack their kids with sticks. That too.

I want to see large churches STAND UP and say "we don't believe he is right!!". I want church's to actively teach parents healthy parenting. While you might be able to make a case for a hand swat to the hinney on occasion, there is NEVER a reason to starve and beat a child in the name of Christ.

I believe "Jesus wept" over these children.

Thankful

2011-11-06T06:34:00.003-07:00

I have a confession: I have a bad attitude. Not about everything, all the time, just lately, about a lot of things. I am grumpy that I just found out 2 of my good friends are expecting (one of them is having twins) right around the same time I am and yet here I am, stuck in Jersey, with no one to be pregnant with. I am surly about Matt leaving for Korea for 8 days. I am always cold in this stupid house, with high ceilings and absolutely no insulation and the cold winter days haven't even started yet. My kitchen is the worst and my kids eat all the time so I am always in my kitchen and always frozen, despite the many layers and slippers. None of my clothes fit me and I look like I have been hitting the Twinkies a little too hard. People in Jersey are rude and grumpy. I have to take several highways to get to my grocery store.

It is easy to forget to be thankful. I don't want to be grateful for what I have, I want to sulk and be grumpy. I want to stomp my feet and crawl back into bed. I want to flip the world the bird and put on my headphone and forget about everything and everyone. But I can't. I have 3 little girls who watch my every move and know my attitudes well, 3 little girls that I want to grow up with a little perspective. Perspective that I seem to have lost.

So here it is, my perspective, my attempt at an attitude adjustment. These are things that DON'T make me grumpy, things that I have been blessed with.

-Annabelle's singing. It is incessant. Her cheerpy little voice singing a made up tune with whatever words happen to be on her mind.

- Eliana's helpfulness. I love that she gets the baby dressed, sorts the laundry, empties the trash cans, puts away her (and everyone else) toys, she washes dishes and mirrors, sweeps the floor. All of this usually with a great attitude.

-Addilyn's willingness to laugh. About anything. Ready to tickle and wrestle, dance a silly dance and cheer up the baby.

-Matts understanding that I need grown-up conversation. Willing to talk politics, sports, education, you name it, anything but Dora and kid stuff. He is happy to pour a cup of coffee for us both and sit with me to keep my brain from rotting and oozing out my ears.

-The fall colors are beautiful out here.

Sorry, that is really all I can come up with right now. Yes, I know there is more to be grateful for: health, family, food, shelter yadda yadda yadda. But really that is all I can come up with. Guess the whole "attitude change" didn't pan out.

Wordless Wednesday- Halloween

2011-11-02T08:57:00.001-06:00

Halloween Redeemed

2011-10-29T07:41:00.000-06:00

I swear to you, if Eliana asks me one more time "how long until Halloween?" I might just duct tape the calendar to her forehead. We have counted the days, looked on the calendar and yet she still feels the need to ask several times a day.

I find it irritating that Halloween is so controversial in the Christian community. As if THAT is the "hill to die on". A holiday where children celebrate by playing pretend and eating candy evokes such a strong emotion and ends up making Christians look like petty idiots. World poverty? The orphan crisis? No sir, it's a 5 year old dressed like Mickey and Snickers that we get all up in arms about.

In our family we handle Halloween differently than many people do. I am a firm believer that some of our reactions to things we don't agree with often stem from fear driven by a lack of knowledge. In our house, we talk about Halloween a long time ago. How the Celtic people of long ago celebrated there new year on November 1st along with the end of harvest. The Celtics knew winter was a long, hard time of year a long time ago, and this made them afraid. They also believed that spirits came back from the dead and caused trouble. To our girls we explain that we don't believe this anymore. We know God is in control and that when people die, their spirts go to heaven to be with Jesus, so we don't have to be afraid.

In our house, Halloween is used to celebrate fall. We celebrate that God has set us free from the fear that the people long ago used to live with, because we know truth. We talk about how winter is still very hard for some families and how we can help them to not be afraid. We donate canned food to the food pantry and take jackets we don't need to the shelters for those who might. We don't dress in scary costumes because we know better and wouldn't want to scare anyone who doesn't. We meet our neighbors, celebrate fall with the street festival and by decorating pumpkins at our local library. We build community by handing out candy and chatting with the parents of trick-or-treaters.

For a group of people who have been set free from fear by love and redemption, sometimes us Christians sure act like a bunch of scaredy cats. We think that if we dress up, people won't see Jesus in us and we won't be recognized as different, as if the costume was what was holding us back. We are afraid that if we let our children see the darkness in the world, the truth of love won't be strong enough to combat it. We act as if we don't give evil it's fair respect, that it might just sneak in and snuff the light of Love straight from our children's hearts.

But not our family. I won't teach my children that we need to be afraid, I will teach them to be more than conquerors. I will teach them truth, how love overcomes fear, and how we can celebrate being redeemed from what used to scare us.

Babysitting Instructions

2011-10-28T02:07:00.000-06:00

I am a mediocre homeschooler. I don't have a time of day when we put on our "school hat" and sit and do worksheets. I consider making pancakes math for the day. We are reading Charlotte's Web together and that is vocabulary. Science is usually when we google something, often pictures of what new baby is looking like today. Or when we find an exceptional worm in the back yard and Eliana wonders why she can see through him so we grab our magnifying glass. We do practice handwriting but I have yet to do anything about the face Eliana is confusing b,d and p,q, she will figure it out.

The other day Eliana informed me that she was the mom and I was the babysitter. She was going out for a nice dinner with her friends and it was just for grown-ups and it was my job to watch the babies. She then handed me my babysitting instructions.

Just in case you don't read 5 year old, let me write it in "grown up":

Be home at 1o

at first

feed them

Dinner

then clean up

Then put on

pjs

Then read

then put to

bed

I love her spelling, it is so much like mine. I love that she chose to write this by herself instead of doing a worksheet of some type. I guess I am not screwing her up too much. Maybe we will make it through this home schooling thing after all.

Our House

2011-10-27T01:33:00.000-06:00

It occured to me that I have never posted pictures of our house. Or at least not the inside. Sorry for the random order, I put them in a normal order and blogger shuffled them all around. So you are starting in our upstairs hallway.

To the left goes downstairs and the stairway to the right goes up to the attic and guest room.
This is Eliana and Addilyn's bedroom. Not a great picture. Bigger than there room in Colorado with lots of floor room to play and almost NO closest. Not great for two little girls with a TON of dresses.
Our room. Also not much closet space. I use under the bed roller drawers for some of my stuff and you can see a closet rack for Matt to the right for Matt's stuff.
Annabelle's room. Very tiny but somehow just right for her. A very large closet to the right of the rocker that we use for...well...everything. Linnins, extra bathrooms stuff, nice dishes, it all ends up in that closet because it is the ONLY closet.
This is the view from the front door if you look right. Stairs to upstairs bedrooms.
Kitchen. One day I will own a gourmet kitchen, but it won't be at this house. By-fold doors at the end left are to the laundry room and downstairs bathroom.
Living room. This is the view from the front door looking left, the stairs are behind me. Don't mind the basket of laundry, we can pretend it isn't usually there, but I am always doing laundry.
Family room. Door to the left goes into front entryway. Door to the right goes into dinning room. Most of the toys live here. Fireplace isn't working, which makes me sad.
Dinning room, more toys. Door to the left goes into the kitchen and to the right into the family room. Another door to the far right goes into the living room. And that is our house. Except I forgot to take pictures of the guest room and attic. I will get on that, it should only take me another couple of months.

Wordless Wednesday- Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-26T13:29:00.001-06:00

Octoberfest

2011-10-25T10:35:00.000-06:00

A few weekends ago we decided to celebrate like the Germans and ring in the fall with Oktoberfest! We drove up the Palisades parkway, enjoying the view, into New York and to Bear Mountain State park. The day was cool, but beautiful. The park was full. The beer was good (so I hear) and the German Food was...well Germans are not exactly known for there food, now are they. A great day was had by all.
Matt with his "who drank my beer?!" face.

Dear Women's Ministry

2011-10-20T07:15:00.003-06:00

I didn't write this, not sure who did, but it totally captures how I feel.

Dear Women's Ministry:

The world can give me cute cupcake designs and decorating tips, scrapbooking parties, casserole recipes, and other ways to pass the time. But truly, with my respect and love, may I be honest? If I wanted to learn how to decorate cupcakes, I would take a class in it. If I wanted to be educated on strategies for decorating my home inexpensively from Winners, I would just, you know, go toWinners. Or Pinterest.

But I'm here with you tonight because I want what the world cannot give me. We're choking on cutesy things and crafty bits, safe lady topics, and if one more person says that modest is hottest with a straight face, I may throw up. We are hungry for authenticity and vulnerability, not churchified life hacks from lady magazines. Some of us are drowning, suffocating, dying of thirst for want of the cold water of real community. We're trying really hard--after all, we keep showing up to your lady events, and we leave feeling just a bit empty. It's just more of the same every time.

The women of our world aren't looking for a safe place to cry about housework and ooh-and-ahhh over centerpieces. We're not all mothers, some of us work outside the home, some of us have kids, and others don't or won't or can't. Is womanhood only about wifehood and motherhood? What about those among us that are not wives and mothers? We're not all in the same season of life.

We are - or should be - diverse image bearers of a Divine God. We need Jesus. We are seeking deep spirituality. We are seeking fellow travelers. We are hungry for true community, a place to tell our stories and listen to another, to love well. But above all, point me to Jesus--not to the sale at the mall.

You know what I would have liked tonight instead of decorating tips or a new recipe? I would have liked to pray together. I would have liked the women of the church to share their stories or wisdom with one another, no more celebrity speakers, please just hand the microphone to that lady over there that brought the apples. I would love to wrestle with some questions that don't have a one-paragraph answer in your study guide. I would like to do a Bible study that does not have pink or flowers on the cover. I would have liked to sign up to bring a meal for our elderly or drop off some clothes for a new baby or be informed about issues in our city where we can make space for God. I would like to organize and prioritize, to rabble-rouse and disturb the peace of the rest of the world on behalf of justice, truth, beauty, and love. I'd love to hear the prophetic voice of women in our church.

Please, may we be the place to detox from the world - its values, its entertainment, its priorities, its focus on appearances and materialism and consumerism?

So here is my suggestion: Please stop treating women's ministry like a Safe Club for the Little Ladies to Play Church. We are smart. We are brave. We want to change the world. We run marathons to benefit our sisters, not so that we can lose weight. We have more to offer to the church than our mad decorating skills. I look around, and I can see that these women can offer strategic leadership, wisdom, counsel, and even, yes, teaching. We want to give and serve and make a difference. We want to be challenged. We want to read books and talk politics, theology, and current events. We want to wrestle through our theology. We want to listen to each other. We want to worship, we want to intercede for our sisters and weep with those who weep, rejoice with those that rejoice, to create life and art and justice with intention.

Let's be a community of women, gathered together to live more whole-heartedly, to sharpen, challenge, love, and inspire one another to then scatter back out to our worlds bearing the mandate to be women that love. Idelette McVicker wrote:

Let us RISE to the questions of our time.

Let us SPEAK to the injustices in our world.

Let us MOVE the mountains of fear and intimidation.

Let us SHOUT down the walls that separate and divide.

Let us FILL the Earth with the fragrance of Love.

Let us be women who Love.

Thanks,

Christian Women

Wordless Wednesday-Halloween Shirts

2011-10-19T07:10:00.000-06:00

Friends

2011-10-18T12:44:00.002-06:00

Friends. We had a lot of them in Colorado. Mommy friends. Family friends. Friends who are related to us. We were never in want of company, someone to head to the park with, camp with, go on an adventure or just try the new fro yo place. Friends were one of the many reasons it was so hard to leave Colorado.

I generally don't have a hard time making friends, or at least acquaintances. In Jersey I have found it a little harder. First of all, many if not most families are two income, meaning moms are not availible during the day. Even MOPS groups meet in the evening. This leaves me and the nanny's at the parks in day time hours. I have nothing against nanny's, having been one, but I don't speak Russian. Or Spanish.

The other day I felt as if I stumbled into an episode of "Real Housewives of New Jersey" as I was waiting for Eliana to finish her class at the library. A group of women, thickly accented, discussing things that were just not really part of my life. From manicures to wanting there daughters cheer leading coaches to work them harder to days spent at Asian spas, our lives just didn't look much alike.

Despite the slim pickins' we have managed to make some meaningful connections. Brian and Amy and their two daughters often accompany us on weekend adventures. Tia and her two kids know all the best places to go and are always up for fun.

But I miss my Colorado friends, my family and my sisters. I hate that we are missing my favorite time of year in a beautiful state. I am not unhappy, just realizing that sometimes you don't know how good you had it until you don't.

Our Surprise

2011-10-17T08:07:00.000-06:00

Blogger is being stupid so I haven't been able to up load this video, so here is the link instead. Forgive Annabelle, she is hollering "I see, I see, I see!" because she wants to see the picture on the camera.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU3GSwtUqRI

Crocker girls- Age almost 2

2011-10-04T08:18:00.000-06:00

Woman

2011-10-03T07:24:00.002-06:00

I wasn't going to blog about this. It somehow feels deeply personal, though it isn't really. It isn't yet a complete thought in my head, it is still messy and scrambled. Writing sometimes helps...and sometimes doesn't. Consider yourself warned!

My dad has this great "mission statement" for his life. He works hours on getting the meaning right, to sum up what he believes into a great statement that encapsulates his life. I love the order of that, the neatness, the ability to bring every other choice under this one statement. I have yet to be able to achieve the same.

First, a little bit of theology. This is my thoughts, and I am in no way saying it is "truth" or that you must subscribe to what I think, but I feel a little clarification is necessary before I move on. God created man in His own image. But He didn't stop there, he went on to create woman too, also in his image. He made us different, yet both in HIS image. There is something divine in femininity. I believe one of the ways I am in the image of God is I am created to be a life giver.

In the very root of who I am is the role of woman, a reflection of the divine. Weather or not a woman is also a mother, in the very core of who she is, she is able to give life. God did that, gave us this amazing roll in humanity that men will never truly be able to understand. I believe it speaks to more than reproduction.

I have lately been caught up in the idea of God as love. So often I feel like the idea of love is misconstrewed in our culture as something that is fuzzy and feel good, when that simplicity is not at all who God is. Some how I feel like saying "God is the life giver" brings a little more clarity to His character.

Giving life is painful. It requires giving of yourself to a level so deep it requires healing. God did that, out of love, for us. As women, we do that. From birthing children to working hard to build a loving relationship with our husband, we give life and it causes us pain. When we choose to put others needs before ours, we pour life into a relationship, our love costs.

This isn't a call out to all women to martyrdom. There is nothing life giving about a "woe is me" attitude or self sacrifice for the sake of "holiness". It is a call to live a life bigger than avoiding being uncomfortable. Do your choices honor the very root of who you were created to be as a reflection of Gods life giving nature? Do my words breathe life into my relationships? Do I cultivate a home environment that encourages love or do I cause conflict?

I may or may not ever come up with a great life mission statement, but if I did it would have to reflect who I believe I was created to be, a reflection of my creator.

Museum of Natural History

2011-09-29T08:01:00.003-06:00

We took the girls into the city to visit the museum of natural history. We loved it! We did even see a fraction of it and look forward to going back.

Wordless Wednesday- Family Picture

2011-09-28T19:58:00.000-06:00

Carnival

2011-09-27T07:47:00.003-06:00

Eliana was so proud of herself, this was her first time by herself on a roller-coaster and she LOVED it!
Annabelle was mad that she was too little to ride on some of the big girl rides that her sisters got to ride on.

Van Saun Park

2011-09-26T19:37:00.004-06:00

This park is so cool! It is within about 20 minutes of our place. It has an amazingly huge playground, a great carousel, a nice little zoo and even a train. It is a great way to spend a morning.

Wordless Wednesday-The girls in September

2011-09-21T05:56:00.000-06:00

I smell a rat

2011-09-16T17:59:00.002-06:00

I pride myself on not being a huge wimp. A little wimp sometimes, but generally a moderately tough chick. I kill spiders. I set and empty mouse traps when the occasion arises. I pick up worms to show my children. I have been known to hold a snake. I have a strong dislike for crickets (they are sneaky!) but am otherwise unfazed by generally creepy things.

The other night we had a guest for dinner, Matt's ex-boss and a friend of ours. We had a very nice evening, we talked about Jersey and other parts of the country we would rather live. We discussed the house and all its "character". As we sat enjoying conversation, our guest politely pointed out that a mouse just ran under our dinning room table. Awesome. I know how to leave an impression.

The next night we spotted the little fur ball while we were watching tv. But something seemed off to me. We have had mice before, I know how they scurry and I know how little they are. This guy didn't scurry and was a bit...large. I tried not to think about it when we set traps.

They next night, same time, same place, I saw the little mongrel again. This time there was no mistaking it, he was a RAT! I didn't freak out, exactly, I just told Matt in no uncertain terms that this rodent would be taken care of in the next 24 hours or the girls and I would be relocating until the problem was addressed. Off to bed I went, leaving Matt setting traps and figuring out a solution.

I was almost asleep when I heard a loud BANG! At first my sleepy brain resisted this as the trap going off but as my wine logged synapses started firing I realized that was much to loud a noise to be a trap. I scampered downstairs to see what it was.

I found Matt staring into the corner where the rat had been seen, he looked slightly befuddled. At this point in the story it might behoove me to mention that Matt and I had split a bottle of wine while watching a movie earlier in the evening. I asked Matt if everything was ok. He said it was and that is when I notice the rat under a Tupperware. I am proud to say I didn't freak out. But what was the bang?

Apparently, the rat sniffed at a trap and it went off and didn't catch him (he was too big for the mouse traps) but it stunned him. Matt, hearing the noise and curious if we had been victorious, came to see the carnage and found the rodent sitting there, dazed. He first thought was to grab a cast iron pan and see if he could drop it on the back of the rat and break its neck. Because it seems so logical to kill pests with cookware. With the benefit of hindsight and a little less alcohol, the fallacy of this plan would be easily recognized.

When he dropped the pan and missed the rat entirely, it was time for plan b. Shooting from the hip as he was, he grabbed one of the kids toy Tupperware and smacked it down over the rat. We now had a slightly bloody, disoriented rat trapped on our floor, Matt in his boxers, me in my pajamas, all of us wondering what the hell just happened.

Matt started to fold a piece of cardboard to slide under the box so we could pick him up and flip it. At this point it occurred to me that Matt really had no plan. Neither of us wanted to kill the rat with our bear hands or really any other way, and it seemed silly to toss him in the back yard.

I suggested Matt take him down to the river but he said he didn't want him to get out in the car and it was a little late for a half mile walk. I genitally reminded him that, in his obvious foresight, he had the rat in a Tupperware that had a lid, so we locked up the rat and Matt took him for a drive.

My house is now free of all things ratty. I would love to have a clever life lesson, qwippy remark regarding our adventure, or some deep insight on the whole situation. I don't. Rats are creepy and I never want to see one in my house again. Fixing the cellar door is now number one on the "to do" list.

Wordless Wednesday- Pickin' peaches

2011-09-14T15:30:00.000-06:00

"Naughty" in cookie form

2011-09-13T11:28:00.000-06:00

I have a 'thing' for chocolate. And I have a 'thing' for baked goods. When the two meet, it can be a little crazy. Well, if you think "suburban mom with a sweet tooth and expanding waste line" is crazy. It is around here. I will consider the utter pathetic-ness of that statement at a later time.

I had a gf brownie mix burning a whole in my pantry but didn't want to go the whole "make a pan of brownies" route, because you know me, I like to get a little wild. So I googled brownie mix recipe ideas, got some ideas and adapted as I saw fit. And, oh my goodness, I nailed it and because nothing is more irritating than having skinny friends, I am sharing the wealth with you! You will need:

1 brownie mix (mine was GF Betty Crocker, I assume any one that makes a 9 x 9 would work)

1 egg

1/2 cup of butter

1/4 cup cream cheese

Mix all of the above together. Should make a soft cookie dough.

1 cup of peanut butter

3/4 cup of powdered sugar

Make into a playdough like consistancy

Scoop chocolate cookie dough into balls and flatten a bit. Make large marble size balls of peanut butter mixture and squish slightly on top of chocolate dough balls. If you like your children and don't mind messes, this is a great job for little people to do. Bake on parchment paper covered cookie sheets for 8-10 minutes at 350. Let cookies cool on rack. While they cool mix

1 cup chocolate chip

1/4 cup heavy cream

Mix together and microwave on low until melted. Spoon over cookies. Sigh deeply. Lick spoon, bowl and everything else covered in chocolate. Wash smudges off of forehead.

These cookies rock. They seem fancy but come together quickly. The chocolate ganache sets up on top so you can stack them. I am not sure how long they would last because they disappeared quickly at our house. I blame it on the fact we had guests and I am sure the both had at least 2 cookies each.

Character is over-rated

2011-09-03T11:29:00.004-06:00

Many years ago, when Matt and I were house hunting, I was hooked on homes with "character". Old houses with back stories, brick and hardwood, fireplaces and history. My dad has one. Matt and Amanda had one. But then we found our Colorado house. I must say, it was never a "love at first sight" type thing. It was a "what a good deal in our price range" type thing.

We looked at a lot of houses out here. Big ones, small ones, expensive ones, close to work and further away. I told Matt that if I had to live all the way out on the freakin' east coast, away from everyone and everything I loved, I was going to at least live in a house I liked. This means a house with, you guessed it, character.

I wasn't very old when I discovered the phrase "it builds character" was synonymous with "it really sucks by you might end up being a better person if you make it through". I quickly decided I don't really want character, the price tag just isn't that appealing. And really, is it so bad to go thorough life "character-less?".

Recently I have discovered that there is a lot in common with houses with character and character building situations. Basically, if you survive it, you might be a better person because of it. This occurred to me as I was standing in the shower watching my neighbor mow his lawn and his wife cooking dinner in their kitchen. All from the shower. Because nothing says "character" more than a randomly placed window in your shower.

Unless it is the fact my toilet flushes with hot water. Free hiney steam bath with every flush! And if you, like me, generally use the toilet before your shower, be sure to adjust the temperature accordingly. I can't tell you how many times I have jumped shrieking, damp and naked from the shower because the toilet tank was done refilling (with hot water) and the temperature of my shower just suddenly increased by 20 degrees. Note to self: flush after the shower.

Character also means that there is no such thing as "level" in this house, which, of course, saves time when hanging anything on the wall. Don't bother using a level, it will just make the straight picture look crooked if it is hanging straight in a crooked house. It is fun for the girls, you don't even have to push your hot wheels car to make it roll across the floor, just choose the highest corner in the room!

When heading to the basement, be sure to watch you head. Don't spend too much time down there or you will have to visit the chiropractor for the crick in your neck and the emergency room to fix the gash in your forehead from the exposed pipes or random bare wires that hang down. And I sure hope your remembered to put on your shoes before you went down, it always feels a little nasty to step in the stream that runs across the floor in bare feet.

The random wet spot that shows up on our bedroom floor every time it rains is a great conversation starter. No, there isn't a leak from above nor is the ceiling below it ever damp. There is no pipe below and and isn't wet all the way to the wall. Its a real "character building" head scratcher.

Nothing like randomly leaking pipes and clogged plumbing that pops the main line cap to keep you on your toes, and everyone knows you can't build character flat footed! Having to keep matches by the stove since my ignite never works reminds me to always be prepared. Have no closet space keeps me thinking outside the box (and under the bed). The funky smell in the carpet on the stairs helps me remember that while pets may come and go, their stench remains.

I have learned that I am not really as big of fan of character as I once believed myself to be. Character, like life, is messy and unpredictable. I will never again take for granted that just because an outlet exists, that it works. I will be able to say that I once lived in a house over a hundred years old, but I will say with pride that we were smart enough not to buy it.

Wrath of God

2011-08-26T09:34:00.002-06:00

I swear I have been good. So yeah, we haven't found a church yet and really don't plan to, but come on! A earthquake and a hurricane? Is there a volcano close by I should know about? Locusts? A plague? Remind me again why people choose to live in Jersey.

To prepare for the insanity, the girls and I hit Costco yesterday, along with about 500 of our closest friends. We got some water, non-perishable food and stuff like that. Today Matt is heading to Home Depot (with, no doubt, 500 of HIS closest friends) to get a tarp to cover the cellar.

Oh, didn't I mention? The cellar has no doors, and for those of you who are not familiar with cellars, this means it is open to our basement. Well, there is an interior door at the bottom of the stairs, but it is so warped from weather and moldy, it doesn't shut. It just seems like a bad idea to have a lot of rain+ gaping hole in your house= big mess to clean up.

This afternoon will be spent moving anything we wish to keep dry up from the basement, taking everything (mostly kids stuff) from the back yard and putting it in the garage, buying ice, getting gas and cash and trying to be prepared for the storm.

I will keep you posted on the Apocalypse.

Wordless Wednesday- The Girls

2011-08-24T09:32:00.001-06:00

Feelings

2011-08-12T11:06:00.003-06:00

I am not sure where it is written that the mother of the family must always be in a good mood. But today I am not and there is little as guilt inducing in motherhood as being crabby. My children have done nothing wrong but they bare the brunt of my crankiness. Matt quickly escaped to the haven of his office.

I am not a yeller. Even when feeling blue my default is quiet and introspective, not loud and abusive. Matt might disagree, but not to my face, not today.

There is no one reason for my mood. I am just sick of living in the in-between. Even now that we have a house I don't feel settled. Nothing about this place feels like home except the half-eaten blueberry coffee cake in the kitchen. My children's needs don't get put on hold just because I have 10 billion other things to clean and organize, and my home remains unsettled.

I am so excited to start the adventure of school with Eliana and feel like I don't have the time to devote to the planning of it like I would like to. It isn't planning I have to do, but that I want to do because I enjoy it, yet everything else takes priority to me spending several hours pouring over books and sitting with my laptop.

And now, the irony is not lost on me that the time I could most use a good friend in my life, I am thousands of mile away from them. What I wouldn't give to watch my girls playing with there cousins in my dads back yard while the grown-up sit and drink wine and talk. Hy heart longs to meet a friend for coffee or at the park for lunch while our kids play, to have my in-laws stop by for the day just because they can or have my mom over to have a tea party with my girls. Now is when I need to be meeting friends for happy hour to talk about how hard it is to leave everything that matters to you, when I need to be able to drop my kids at a friends while I figure out where my eye doctor or grocery store is. But there is no one.

My children know me enough to read my mood. This makes Annabelle clingy, Eliana ever-present and trying to please and Addilyn chatty. And I want space that doesn't exist when your a mother of three. I want to sulk, pout, bitch and moan, but instead I make peanut butter and banana sandwiches and tuck babies is bed for naps.

Jersey 101

2011-08-09T07:54:00.000-06:00

We are finally feeling like the concept of "settling in" might be within our grasp. After almost a month of Gypsies living, we have a house and a learning a bit about our new home state. Here is what I have discovered:

- Everything is expensive out here. The power company wanted $700 to put the bill in our name.

-People out here take everything very seriously. You can imagine how well that goes over with someone like me...who takes nothing seriously. The next time I have to listen to someone lament about how someone "disrespected" something or someone I am not sure I will be able to keep the snarky comments to myself.

-I actually heard someone use the phrase "Fo getabout it". I had to suppress a giggle.

- I saw a woman at Target with big hair, a glowing "tan", daisy duke denim shorts, a net top over a leopard print bra. I so wanted to snap a picture, but couldn't figure out how. And she was remarkably fast in her 4 inch platform stilettos.

- Good hair days don't exist for me out here. My normally "fluffy", slightly curly hair that I can straighten with little effort is unmanageable here. I am considering shaving my head. I put Carrot Top to shame. If I had no pride I would post a picture of the insanity.

-What they say about people out here being rude is true, sadly. No one makes eye contact or smiles. Cashiers don't even acknowledge you with a "hi". People don't bother with common courtesy's like returning carts, granting "right of way", or picking up their own trash in the park. On the other hand, people are responsive if you are friendly, so maybe there is hope.

- I take 3 different highways to get to Ikea, which is less than 10 minutes away. I get on a highway to get to my grocery store, which is less than 2 miles away. I have no idea how people navigated this state before GPS.

-I am pretty sure the people of southern New Jersey have nothing in common with the people of Northern, where we live. Which explains my Colorado friends Jen and Jodi who are formally Jersey girls of the southern variety.

I will keep you posted with other lesson I learn in this state :)

Budget

2011-07-31T10:24:00.002-06:00

I am beginning to think that I might just be an anarchist. It isn't just my general disdain for authority, it is my general annoyance at stupidity. Never have I met a company as poorly run as the American government. It would have been out of business years ago if it didn't have private funding. Oh yes, ever dollar spent must first be taken from the hand of someone who earned it with there hard work.

Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of paying taxes. I love our country. I am happy to pay for my freedom, protection from those who wish to take my freedoms. I love that our country happily educates all who are willing, I am glad to drive on roads that are cared for, I love our national park, library's, monuments and other things my tax dollars fund. I also have nothing against helping out those who find themselves in a tight spot. The government does a lot of good things.

Here is the kicker: we can't pay for it.

When Matt was finishing up school and we were living in Missouri, we were broke. Shopping with $20 for a week of food broke. Scrounging up change so we could share a slushy for a date broke. We had lots of conversations around the kitchen table about how to spend what we had. We had lots of good things we would have loved to do like give to missionary's, help pay for stuff at the church, buy from local farmers, all good things. But if we had chosen to do those good things, we would have found ourselves in a bad place, much like today's government.

When looking at our budget, I find we lose money on the small things. Matt and I are not really the type to go out and refurnish our house on a whim, but we will go out to dinner. Or buy a shirt. Or take the kids to the museum. Or all of the above. This adds up. The government does the same, slowly leaking money. Read this if you want to be really mad. Our government is past the point where the slow leak is the problem, it is now at the "sell your stuff and move into a smaller house" point.

When looking at the American budget, it is good to understand where your money is going. Let me break it down for you in bite size pieces:

You pay $100 in taxes and it is spent as follows:

Social security, welfare, unemployment: $22
Medicaid and Medicare: $20
National defense/public safety: $20
Education: $16 ($12 would go to primary and the rest to college and library's and such)
Cost of running government: $4
Interest on loans: $9
Miscellaneous: $10 this is your roads, parks, and everything else the government has its hands in

Defense spending is equal to the expenditure of 15 of the next top spending countries, but our GDP is higher than theres too. Our spending makes up 47% of the worlds military spending while our GDP makes up only 21%.

I am the one in our family who works the budget. This in no way qualifies me to figure out the national budget but here are some things I would do:

-Reduce time limits for welfare and public assistance from 5 years to 3.
-Empty prisons of anyone who isn't a US citizen. Give there counties notice that they will be shipped back in 30 days.
- Make the food stamps program more like the WIC program. Coupons for a few, specific, healthy types of food. No other.
-Put a 2 year halt on defense development spending.
- Up the retirement age
- Stop all bail outs, you can't give away money you don't have
- No more "stimulus". To much spent and to little to show for it.
- Make a 30 day time period where illegal immigrant can become citizens just for showing up at a Social Security office with the understanding that they can not get any public services (Medicaid/foodstamps and such) for 36 months. Digitally finger print everyone so there can be no fraud. We are now collecting taxes on thousands of new citizens!
-Sell off all the empty buildings the government holds and pays to care for. Money made in the sale and no more paying to keep them up.
-Responsibility. If you are in charge of a program that wastes money or commits fraud, your required to pay back every penny times 2. It comes from your states budget.

A wise man once said "you can't borrow your way out of debt any more than you can drink yourself sober". So true. Stop passing the buck, everyone added to this problem.
The last year of president Bushs' leadership the debt was 1/10th of what it is today, with tax cuts and while funding 2 full wars. But we kept spending like we had money to spare. Time to start digging.

Our House!!

2011-07-20T06:35:00.002-06:00

Catching up

2011-07-12T07:30:00.005-06:00

I would like to have a good reason for not blogging more. I don't. My camera is somewhere in transition, along with most of my other possessions, so I can't post some of the cute pics I took while living at dads. What, didn't I tell you I was living at my dads? Well, let me get you caught up.

Our house was packed up one of the last weeks of June. I packed for an "extended vacation" and took the girls and headed to my dads for a few weeks. Matt continued to travel back and forth from CO to the east coast. While at dad's we hung out with friends, we out for meal with the grandparents and made the most of our last days in Colorado.

We had put an offer on a house out here in a town called Dumont. The house was cute, needed a bit of work, but very livable as is, and in our price range. But then we started to do some math. After 3 tries, we finally got the correct "truth in lending" document (the irony of that is not lost on me). We decided that since we have no desire to live long term on the east coast, it wasn't really best to buy here. So we were back to "homeless", in quotes because we do have a one bedroom company apartment here that Matt has been staying in.

On July 5th, the Crocker family left Colorado. The girls did great on the long flight. The apartment has a pool and is nice sized and we moved right in. The car was shipped the from Colorado the next day and we have the Volvo out here already. We house hunted last week and found a place we liked. Cute old house, built in 1912, two stories with an attic and basement that are usable, sits on a double lot so it has a ton of yard, 5 minutes from Matt's work and a quick subway ride into the city.

It seemed like it was going to be all smooth sailing...until we found out that ours was one of three offers on that house. So now we wait, feeling like a kid waiting to be chosen for a kickball game, chanting in our heads "please pick me, please pick me!". I have now been in a one bedroom apartment with 3 small children and very few toys for a week. We just found out our car hasn't even left Colorado yet, so my captivity is far from over.

The girls have been troopers. They are sleeping on the floor in the closet without complaint. They play nicely, we go on walks around the property and swim daily. I haven't lost my mind...yet. If we get this house, we will be out of here by Friday. If we don't, it could be a very long haul. Wish us luck! Oh, and a little bit of prayer could help too!

Thad and Kristina's wedding

2011-06-27T02:31:00.000-06:00

Groomsman Matt and the flower girls in our hotel lobby

This pretty much sums up Annabelle's attitude about the whole thing.

The girls. My mother in law, me, Tara (Pauls girlfriend) and Danika (Lukes wife)

The beautiful bride and loving groom.

Excuses

2011-06-26T12:11:00.002-06:00

I am not a big fan of excuses. I find myself making them more often than I mean to. Like right now, I am going to provide you with a list of excuses for why I have been a failure to blog. Maybe I can call them "explanations" just to keep my pride intact.

-House hunting in Jersey. I didn't take my lap top and Matt's didn't play well with blogger. Actually it crashed every time I tried to post something. So I gave up. Try and try again? Not so much.

-Wedding. Matt's baby bro got hitched and we were involved. I have pictures...and stories. I will share at a later date.

-Hand surgery. So I was thinking this was going to be no big deal. So much so that I drove myself (getting hopelessly lost in the process and showing up half an hour late) Only to be told I had to keep my hand wrapped and elevated for 4 days. Ummm yeah. Unless they were going to provide me with a nanny service that SOOOO wasn't happening. But still, I couldn't type.

-Moving and packing. The company changed the date on on us. It was madness, but now is over. All (well, almost all) my worldly possessions have been boxed, listed and loaded on a truck headed east.

-Living at dads. Currently we are crashing at Dad's. We being the girls and I, Matt is still back and forth to New Jersey. We will be in the beautiful state of CO until July 5, when we fly to Jersey where we will live cozily in a one bedroom apartment until we get the new house ready.

So there you go. Am I excused? And then there is the whole emotions thing. I just want to deal and label and correctly fix so I can move on but I can't, meaning things in my head are not neatly organized enough to write out in titled blog posts. I am in denial, I like it here, it is safe. I have yet to call Eliana's school and say she isn't coming and I am not sure if I will ever be able to re-label this blog "Crocker's of Jersey". So there you have it.

House hunting in Jersey

2011-06-07T06:28:00.007-06:00

Well, I guess this makes it real. I am in Jersey, looking for a place for our family to live.

The trip out here was hell. I don't mind flying and am fairly patient when it comes to some delays and things as such, but this was ridiculous. I won't go into the whole thing but let me sum it up: plane struggled to take off from CO, layover in Ohio, plane still had mechanical issues, should have landed at 9 pm and didn't end up rolling in until almost 3 a.m. Oh, and we landed at the wrong airport.

The next day we made tracks...after very large cups of coffee and sleeping in a bit. Our idea was to rent out here, but then we saw the market. Houses that were selling in the half million range are down into the high $200's. So, we could throw away $50k or so over the next few years renting a house, or we could roll the dice and assume the market will rebound a bit and buy a house. There are sooooo many to chose from! We could even take a loss selling the house in a few years and STILL come out ahead of where we would have been if we rented. We scrambled and got pre-aproved and are now hunting.

If your interested in looking where we are looking, go to zillow.com and put in Bogota, NJ. This is really close to Matt's work and a cute area close to the city too. I was going to post pictures, I brought my camera and everything, but the card reader on Matt's computer isn't working.

Here http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/196-Dumont-Ave-Dumont-NJ-07628/37875200_zpid/#{scid=hdp-site-map-bubble-address} (forgive the obnoxious hyperlink, blogger doesn't play well with the newest version of internet explorer that Matt has on his computer) is a link to a house we looked at yesterday and LOVED! It was built in 1900, is in a super cute area of town but is currently priced WAAAAY above market value. This is also a little farther than we were hoping to be, commute time would be about 20 minutes.

So today is another day of house looking. It sorta freaks me out that we might put an offer on a house within 24 hours of deciding to BUY a house. And it is crazy that we will own 2 houses. Does this make me a grown up?

I hate mornings

2011-06-01T07:53:00.002-06:00

This is like saying "Water is a bit damp-ish"

I despise mornings, loathe them, shutter at the thought. And I am not just being dramatic.

I wake up with gritty eyes. My body refuses to obey the thoughts in my head, and the thoughts are scarce. It tastes like something crawled into my mouth...and died. My hair looks as though I have been taste testing light sockets.

This morning started with a shrill and panicked cry from Annabelle, who couldn't seem to find her binky, at a little after 6 am.

I stumble out from beneath the massive pile of warm covers, trip over the dog who is obnoxiously wagging his way down the hall, excited to start his day. I find the rogue binky and try to reason with a hungry, indignant one year old that the day isn't ready to start. She wins. In all his exuberance, Otis' tail thumping the wall manages to rouse the 3 year old. She chirps a "Hi mommy, whats for breakfast?". We have yet to make in down the stairs.

My mood is black, my children hungry. My feet feel leaded. I drop the babe in her chair and chuck a banana in her general direction. I put the open box of cheerios next to Addilyn and mumble some instructions about keeping the baby happy. Off to the shower.

Hot water, warm enough to make my skin shinny pink, starts to take the edge off. I stand under the spray, hoping to feel human. I wash out my mouth, my eyes. I turn off the water, trying hard to be a responsible mother who didn't just throw a banana at the baby. Wrapped in a towel, I sit on the floor. It is a good thing the bathroom doesn't serve coffee or I wouldn't have come out. I throw on a t-shirt.

I open the door to find a child sprawled dramatically in front of it. Everything this child, my eldest, does is dramatic. Words immediately start spilling from her mouth. My brain is still processing at half speed, I try to eek out a reasonable response all the while thinking it is a God with a sick sense of humor to give a person who detests mornings in the fashion I do a child who chats incessantly from the moment her eyes open.

Morning is Matts time with the girls. This is because he would like to see our children survive to see their teen years and him being the one up with them is the best way to secure that. But Matt is gone. Most mornings Matt gets up at the first caterwaul from the babe (and sometimes a foot to the shin to wake him) and I languish in bed. Often I fall back asleep, but I am generally up before everyone has been awake for 2 hours. I like to wake up slowly, letting my body stretch, my brain un-fog.

But this isn't an option. I have hungry children who are ready to start the day. And half the battle is just showing up.

June...sigh

2011-05-30T20:46:00.003-06:00

May 31- Take both dogs and 3 children to vet to make sure every ones shots are up to date
June 1- House measured for carpet
June 2- Drive with girls and dad down to Sand Dunes to camp with friends
June 3- Camping!
June 4- Drive home from camping. Pack girls to stay at sisters and me for New Jersey
June 5- Drop girls off at Woods, drive to airport, fly to New Jersey
June 6 and 7- Find a house to live in
June 8- Matt and I fly home
June 9- Finish baking wedding cake
June 10- Drive to Colorado Springs for Rehearsal dinner. Matt is a groomsman and girls are flower girls. Oh, and I made the wedding cake
June 11- MY BIRTHDAY and my brother in laws wedding. He wins.
June 12- Drive home. Celebrate my birthday with my family
June 13- Hand Surgery 11 am. Hopefully Matt will be home for this
June 14- Matt flys back to Jersey. I do things one handed for a week.
June 15 to 17- Finish getting everything ready to move
June 18- Going away party
June 19- Sabbath? Ha! Last day to get things done. Pack for a week of homelessness.
June 20- Packer come and pack all our stuff
June 21- Movers pack our stuff into truck
June 22 to 25- Lay carpet, finish bathroom, have cleaners come
June 26- Goodbye Colorado. I will miss you

So, what does your month look like?

Wordless Wednesday- Let them eat cake

2011-05-25T08:33:00.000-06:00

Facebook Words

2011-05-24T21:53:00.001-06:00

Here are my most commonly used status up-date words from Facebook. Yup. sounds like my life.

Used 39 times: Year
Used 33 times: Girls
Used 23 times: Baby
Used 21 times: Happy
Used 21 times: Matt
Used 21 times: Home
Used 20 times: House
Used 20 times: Chocolate
Used 19 times: Children
Used 18 times: Things
Used 18 times: Mama
Used 16 times: Time
Used 16 times: Dinner
Used 15 times: Husband
Used 15 times: Need
Used 14 times: Cold

Can't resist

2011-05-23T20:05:00.002-06:00

I was out of baked goods today. It was a little scary, but I pulled through. It was because I left the last of the blueberry oat bars I made for my dad. I just couldn't resist leaving him with a little treat, even though I know he will eat them for breakfast and it will leave me without a treat to go with my tea.

Sometimes you just can't walk away, even when you know what is good for you. The pull is just to strong, you fight and loose, and it feels good. We all have weaknesses, what we can't resist, her are a few of mine:

- Eatting a finger full of frosting while making a cake, even though I shouldn't
- Taking a looooong nap on Sunday afternoons when I have a "to-do" list a mile long
- Squishing my bare feet in mud...just a little, even though it ruins my pedicure
- Spending a little extra time snuggling a sleepy eyed baby, fresh from the bath, even though she is old enough to put herself to sleep
- The words "mommy, will you read to me?" while I am right in the middle of doing something else
- Gluten free baked goods of any kind though my jeans are already tight
- Singing to the radio when I am in the car by myself, the louder the better, knowing I am totally "one of those people"
- A great deal on shoes as my closet overflows
-Letting my girls play and giggle in their beds, long after lights out, because what is the point of having a sister if she isn't your best friend?

Not all temptations should be given in to, but sometimes a girls just can't help herself.

Alone

2011-05-22T19:31:00.002-06:00

My husband is an extrovert. This is like saying "rain is wet" or "the Pope is Catholic". Kind of a duh statement. Most assume I am an extrovert like him. I do like people, I am not shy and make conversation easily. But I can't keep up with Matt. On the personality tests, I fall almost dead smack in the middle of most categories, including introversion/extroversion.

I just want to be left alone tonight. I have hung out with people all weekend, people I love, and I am in a lousy mood. As the mother of 3 small children and a wife to a man who loves to be with people, alone time is hard to come by.

Tonight I have big plans. I intend to get all 3 kids in bed and go and sit in the hammock in the back yard. I would go for a drive but with the price of gas that seems a little silly. I would go to Barnes and Noble but someone might talk to me. So I will sit, rock slowly, maybe enjoy an adult beverage, smoke a cigar, listen to the sounds of the neighborhood and ignore the world.

Matt gets it. He used to see my quiet moods as a judgement on his company or he would assume I was mad. Now he knows. I just need to be away. To think...or not think. To be alone with my self, even though I know I am not great company at the moment. When everything seems uncomfortable, my answers are short, my temper inflated I know I have to walk away.

I have a list of things that need to be done that is 3 miles long, but my give a damn is completely busted. Maybe after some time alone, a good nights sleep, I will find my mojo again. But not right now. My heart is heavy, my head is full and I am not even at a place where I could talk it out if I wanted to.

Rainy day

2011-05-19T13:48:00.002-06:00

It has been raining. And raining. And raining. And if God starts hinting at boat building and random sets of animals apear at my front door, we are going to have words.

I like rainy days. They make me lazy and I like lazy days, spent in my slippers, reading books with the girls, baking things I have no business eating. Matt has a couple of days off between jobs so he is home being lazy with me.

When I was a little girl, way back in Iowa, I loved rainy days too. We had a house with a covered front patio and on rainy days i would take my sleeping bag and pillow outside to watch the rain fall. I would sit with a book (Baby Sitters Club anyone?) and read, the cool wet air and sound of rain making everything feel lazy and peaceful. I loved the smell of wet earth and when I couldn't bring myself to sit still any longer I would walk in the gutters letting all the rushing water pour over my bare feet. I would make paper boats and sail them down the stream. My sisters and I would take umbrellas and go for walks around the neighborhood.

Some day, I will take my 3 girls and play in the puddles. We will stop in the mud, admire the worms and give thanks for the rain that makes everything fresh and green. But not today. Today, my girls are napping despite the thunder, I am wearing my slippers, contemplating what I want to bake to eat with the impeding cup of tea. I am snuggling my husband, talking about our future. I will call my best friend and chat. I will maybe fold a load of laundry. I will be still and thank God for washing the earth clean and giving us a new start every day.

House Keeping

2011-05-17T19:27:00.002-06:00

Yes, the irony is not lost on me that I am writing a blog titled "House Keeping". I have seen my house and am very well aware that keeping it is something I am miserably bad at. My friends know this about me and seem to take it in stride. My family, only the other hand, still loves to give me crap about it.

With the move impending, I have been tackling the long forgotten places in my house. Maybe these places don't exist in other homes, but boy do they in mine! Places like the storage room and above the fridge, the back of the linen closet and under the bathroom sink. I have found some things worth keeping and filled many a trash bag. After all, why move what I don't want?

But I do. All the time. The dark, hidden, almost forgotten corners of my heart are full of trash I carry around. Every day. Some days I pretend the trash is treasure, I act if it is something worthy, I lie to myself and everyone in my life. Sometimes I am forced to follow the stench to get to the root of the smell.

Emotional house keeping is something I also apparently suck at. God has funny timing, and let me assure you "funny" has nothing to do with "hahahaha". Right now is the last time I would chose to deal with heart issues. I kinda have a lot going on with single parenting as Matt travels and a move across the country, an upcoming wedding, house hunting, home repair...

The guys who lead our church (I would call them "pastors" but the title just doesn't fit with the mental image that pops into my head) have talked about how God is in the interruptions. But, frankly, I am not in the mood to be interrupted. I have stuff to get done and yet keep finding myself having conversations I didn't plan to have about heart issues I don't want to talk about. Someone keeps shinning a flashlight in the dark corners I like to sweep the undesirable things of my life into.

And so, as I dig into the back corner of the furnace room ( you don't want to know what I found) I find myself dealing with matters of heart (not pretty here, either). God never means for us to deal with these by ourselves, which is why He is so insistent on us living in community with others, some call it "Church".

But I hate it. Because humans are involved, it gets messy. And I hate asking others to bare my burdens. I would love to say that it is because I am such a nice person that I don't want to weigh others down, but that wouldn't be the whole truth. I don't like to be naked, exposed, and and kills my "tough chic who has her sh*t together" image that I like to portray.

Some days I so desperately want to walk this path by myself, deal with my issues in a clean way (meaning no one else gets to know them) and check it off the list and move on. But by dealing with it myself, the people in my life become nothing more than an audience I am performing for, not friends, not community, not love. This isn't what I was called to be, an actor who writes the script of who she thinks others expect her to be. I keep people at arms length, letting them in only the nicely scrubbed areas of my life.

So I struggle. I get uncomfortable. I make others uncomfortable. I get hurt and take others down with me. Life becomes unscripted, interrupted, unplanned. And maybe this is when someone might get a glimpse of God in my life, because I, in all my brokenness, with dark and dirty areas in all the corners of my soul, have nothing to offer.

Heavy

2011-05-14T21:47:00.002-06:00

Often, when I consider what to write about on my blog, I go for the light and fluffy. It is easy and an accurate representation of a lot of my life. I love my life, in general, feel light and fluffy, easy going and can see the humor. This is not one of those posts.

Everyone process information differently. Matt processes conversationally. When presented with new information or a new idea, he wants to talk it out to get it all making sense. I process internally. I think, over think on the verge of obsess, until I feel like I can accurately communicate what I have come to discover. Writing helps this process for me. I get to see my thoughts in black and white with the chance to erase, cut, paste and reorganize until I make sense of the world. This sometimes leaves me in a lurch, because honestly, not every thing I am working on should be written for the world, or anyone, to see.

I am toeing the line tonight. Not everything I am processing is up for consumption, but I need it to make sense in my head. My heart feels heavy, I have a lump in my throat, my eyes sting with unshed tears and all of this sounds so dramatic, but it isn't, not really.

I had my feelings hurt. This doesn't happen often, close to never, I have gotten very good at letting things roll of my back. This might be because I keep a healthy distance from the majority of people in my life, sharing enough that I can have real friendships but not enough to put myself at risk. But then I did. I should have known better, used better judgement. I am so irritated that I opened myself up in the first place. I was told my burdens were to heavy, to ugly, to uncomfortable to bear and that I should just move on. Ouch. I feel like such a fool, I feel so stupid, judged and found unworthy. I hate that it even matters to me, but I thought I was speaking to a friend.

Everything is messy right now, more so than usual, and it makes me feel like such a failure. It seems my girls just can't get well, I am emotional spent from all this "where we will live" nonsense, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. I keep trying to make lists but they just leave me feeling worse, not better, and when a list doesn't work, you know it is bad.

I am trying to organize this move, Matt is going to be gone a lot and I know it is something that is going to be largely on my shoulders. I don't mind the details stuff, but the way everything is set up, I can't just make plans, I have to go through a 3ed party. It is driving me nuts.

My family is going camping tomorrow. My heart so longs to go with them but Matt just got home late last night and has to go to Jersey some time this week. But Eliana LOVES to camp, it would be so great to hang out with my sisters and nieces and nephews and the girls love to spend time with cousins and this is going to be the last time for a while that they get to do that. I am just not sure we can swing it, a four hour drive, no one to care for the cats and dogs while we are away. So much that needs to be done here at home. But my heart just aches thinking of missing this last opportunity to spend time with my best friends.

And all of this doesn't really matter. It is piddly, not life threatening. But it is soul sucking, joy destroying, burdens. I am I left here, with my lap top, trying to make sense and make the best choices for my family. I hate self pity, it is such a waste of time, but tonight is the kind of night I just want to curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep feeling unlovable, unproductive, incapable of being what I need to be. Tonight, I just want to give up.

You gotta keep your head up,

so you can let your hair down.

Only rainbows

after rain

the sun will surly

shine again

its a circle

circling

around again

The Art of being ugly

2011-05-14T05:51:00.001-06:00

Annabelle is at such a fun stage...except when she isn't. I love the wonder in which she views the world, but the short fuse is sometimes enough to make me want to sell her to the nearest passing band of Gypsies. You see, Annabelle doesn't like to be told "no". Or to wait. As soon as the words leave my lips, the melt down begins. First with the stomping feet, followed by a shrill cry with the finally happening on the floor at full volume with hands and feet thrashing. It isn't pretty, it is down right ugly, and the girl has perfected it an art form.

Annabelle and I have a lot in common, and I am not just referring to the rolls on our thighs and cute dimpled butts. I have perfected the art of ugly. I may have mentioned, or you may have observed, my issues with authority. This is at all levels, from the benign inability to follow a recipe as written to my out right defiance of God.

It is stupid, really, and at some level I know this. After all, God wrote the rule to how this whole world works and was kind enough to give me a handbook as a heads-up and yet I, like Annabelle, just don't like to be told "no" or "wait". I pray for wisdom and when I don't like the answer, I hit the deck kicking and screaming, causing myself harm because I don't want to obey.

Ugly is easy. It is default human nature to rebel, to want to do our own thing, to pridefully believe that our way is the best. A beautiful heart is a learned disposition, one I am trying to instill into my children and one I feel like I get further and further from. How do you teach a child when you can't seem to get it figured out yourself?

I have been humbled by my stupidity so often you would think I would learn. I mean, even Annabelle has figured out that when you want to throw a monster fit it is best to go to the rug where is is soft and won't hurt when you throw yourself backwards. And yet on I go, fighting ugly like I have for years, never feeling like I conquer the beast.

Whip Lash

2011-05-13T15:43:00.002-06:00

Maybe it is because I like to keep people on their toes...or maybe God just has a sick sense of humor....but get ready for a little whip lash in keeping up with us Crockers.

The very day I wrote the post that we were moving to CA, our world got flipped, topsy turvy. Samsung, who Matt had interviewed with several weeks before and was giving him the run around, we had counted as a loss. Oh well, on to sunny CA. That day Matt got a call. Apparently, right after they had interview him, Samsung was put on a hiring freeze. The guy in charge actually flew to Korea to get permission to offer Matt the position. Hence the delay, the poor man was running all over the globe.

Sony gave us an offer for a CA move. It was pathetic, hardly a cost of living increase and not enough for a family of 5 to live in SoCal. Samsung offered ten grand more in base pay plus 20 grand more in bonuses. And a much better job. And then Matt went back and asked for more. And got it.

So East we are headed. Samsungs' offices are right outside Manhatten, so we may move from suburbia to a little more big city life. The move isn't forever. We are not selling our house or buying one there. After Matt has done this position for a few year, he will have so many options.

My heart is sick about leaving friends, family, our home. But it will be an adventure, a chance to grow together as a family, and best of all, Matt won't be traveling any more. We haven't had that since we have had children and I look forward to having my husband home for dinner most nights. Wish us luck!

Interview with my girls

2011-05-11T11:30:00.000-06:00

What is the best way to spend your day?
Eliana-I like playing with my friends, going places like the circus and parties and the zoo, and eating yummy food.
Addilyn- play and eat cupcakes

What is your favorite food
Eliana- Peanut butter and jelly, pancakes, cupcakes and cereal
Addilyn- chocolate chip pancakes and cereal

Eliana- Mama? Why are you doing this?
Me- Because I remember what you liked when you were five.
Eliana- Can we go to the mall today?
Me- Ummm...no.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Eliana- A fire fighter, a ballerina and an artist
Me- why?
Eliana- Because I think it would be fun, and I like to be pretty, and art is fun!
Addilyn- I will be a grown up and sleep in mamas bed

How do you make bread?
Eliana- With flour and seeds, special seeds and milk. Put them in batter and then cook them
Addilyn- Salt, sauce, sugar. Stir it and cook it and then we eat it!

How much does a car cost?
Eliana- A bunch of money! Maybe $20?
Addilyn- (holds up 2 fingers)

How about a new toy?
Eliana- If we were at the dollar store it would only be $1! A new toy can cost as much as the store keepers want.
Addilyn- (holds up 1 finger)

If you had $100 what would you do?
Eliana- I would buy something, like a bunch of toys, or an American girl doll.
Addilyn- I would buy lots of toys for Annabelle. Like a special hippo.
Elian- oh, thats nice. Mama, do you have $100?
Me- yes
Eliana- Ohhhh, i want to get paid for something!

How do you get to nana's house?
Eliana- Oh, thats a hard one. You eat snacks and read books and talk in the back. Go left and then right.
Addilyn- We drive our car! Past the walking park and then we go in!

What is the ickiest thing in the world?
Eliana- Bugs!
Me- You like bugs.
Eliana- I know, but they are icky. Mud is icky too...POOP! That is very icky. And the inside a worm, that would be very icky.
Addilyn- Mud! Ewwwww. I not like mud. Otis walks around and makes mud on the floor

What do you think school will be like?
Eliana- I think it will be fun!
Addilyn- Playing and eating like we eat in Elies class

What will you learn there?
Eliana- I learn to read, and write. I will have snacks and play outside a recess.
Addilyn- we learn ballet, and cars driving

What are you good at?
Eliana- I am good at a bunch of stuff. I am good at helping people, I am good at playing pretend princess and being a mommy
Addilyn- standing on tippy toes, playing and reading

What do you still need to work on?
Eliana- Reading and driving and doing dishes and putting them the right way in the dishwasher
Addilyn- Ridding my scooter, it is to wobbly. But it is a princess one!

Who is God?
Eliana- God is a person just like us, he is very kind and helpful and very, very, very loving. We can talk to him. I think he looks big with a white dress and short hair and a beard and a great big smile on his face.
Addilyn- God helps us sleep and feel better. He has two big eyes, a nice smile, and hair same like your hair. He is our friend

Sugar Free and Me

2011-05-09T08:52:00.002-06:00

Not so long ago, I went to the Doctor. It had been a while. The last time I had seen a doctor I was having a baby. Since the trip was long over due, I had all my blood work and such done. Everything came back just fine...well, almost everything.

The same genes that make me a celiac are also the ones they see in diabetics. Double whammy crappy genes. My fasting blood sugar came back at 99. You are considered pre-diabetic at 100. Ugh. I have been successfully ignoring this information for months.

Last week I went to the doctors again, twice in one year! This may be a non-pregnant record for me. I hate going to the doctor, it is expensive and inconvenient and they always find a reason to poke you. I was discussing with my doctor my up-coming surgery (don't freak out, it isn't anything big, just a bump in my hand) and she asked about my over all health. She asked how I was handling my blood sugar. Funny thing about doctors, they don't really want to hear about how you find the whole thing entirely inconvenient and have decided not to deal with it.

And so. I have a new "prescription". Eat like a diabetic and do cardio. I hate cardio and like sugar, so this truly cramps my style. Oh yeah, and my husband is always gone and I am trying to get stuff ready to move across the country. But sure, why not add something else to my to do list! As you can see, I am still working on my attitude.

Since I am a nerd, I have thoroughly researched what my new lifestyle should look like. Apparently cardio helps your body use the sugar it has a hard time metabolising, which is why I can't just do yoga and call it good, my heart rate needs to be up. And a diabetic diet isn't as awful as I thought. It just means I can't eat the last 4 bites of someones pbj and a handful of chips for my lunch anymore. I have to pay attention. Basically my plate needs to be half veggies or high fiber fruit, a 3 oz serving of meat and no more than half a cup of carbs per meal. I need to eat 3 snacks a day to keep my blood sugar from going crazy and those snacks can't be all carb and should contain a good fat.

So for the last week I have been watching what I eat. And while I certainly wouldn't miss about 20 pounds, that wouldn't fix this problem. I will do this for a month and see what my sugars come back. Wish me luck, and maybe I will be able to rock the short shorts by the end of the summer.

Movin' on UP!

2011-05-05T08:57:00.001-06:00

It seems like we may finally have some answers to this whole "which coast are we going to live on?!" thing. And the winner is....

That's right! I am going to have to change the name of this blog to "Crocker's of California!"
Not quite sure how I feel about this yet. I HATE leaving Colorado, my family, friends and community. I am excited for my husband who is excited for his new position at Sony. Over all I feel totally over whelmed by the whole idea.

Wordless Wednesday- Big Girl Bed

2011-05-04T08:00:00.000-06:00

Tuesday Tidbits- In my Pantry

2011-05-03T14:30:00.002-06:00

I like looking in peoples pantry's and refridgerators. I find it fasinating what people keep on hand. Generally it is considered rude to search through cupboards when you are a guest in someones home, so let me save you the social faux-paux and just TELL you what I keep on hand.

On my shopping list every week are the following:
fresh fruit- always at least 8 banana's that won't even last us 3 days
milk- 3 types including almond, lactose free and whole
coffee creamer- cinnimon vanilla is the current fav
eggs- we go through at least 2 dozen a week

Things that I always have on hand include:
canned beans
canned tomatoes
frozen veggies- we don't eat canned
potatoes
pasta sauce and pasta
coconut milk
peanut butter
hummus or stuff to make it
crackers
corn chips
corn tortillas
salsa
cheese
yogurt and cottage cheese
oatmeal
rice
some type of canned fruit

It is always funny to me what people think of as necessities. We don't usually keep a lot of convienience foods on hand because 1. they usually are not gluten free 2. they are usually not that great for you and 3. they are expensive and I am cheap. This might change some day when I have to make quick and easy lunches for my kids. From the above list I can usually whip up something passable for dinner. And when I can't, Chili's has curb side take away.

A letter to my daughters

2011-05-02T15:28:00.000-06:00

To my girls,

Today, in the car we were singing to the radio together. Eliana, your off key exuberance belted out "You are beautiful, just the way you are" with full passion and ultimate trust that the song was about you. I love that.

I watch you and Addilyn put on princess dresses, while I try not to cringe, you dance with your invisible prince with whom you fall in love. I hope one day you will find a prince that steals your heart with his kindness and love. I hope that you will always believe that a kiss is so special it means love and that you never give them away cheaply. I hope you wear undies under your real princess dresses unlike your dress up clothes. I hope so much for your heart and your beauty.

Girls, there will be days when you feel everything but beautiful. On the outside you will feel like your body is the wrong shape and size and on the inside you will feel like you have more questions than answers. I would love to tell you that "this is just a phase" but I have yet to grow out of it in my 30 years. But you will make peace with it. I pray you learn that real beauty isn't found in things that sparkle and dresses that twirl but in a beautiful spirit full of kindness and a heart filled with love. As you get older, my desire for you is that you learn that ugly is a state of mind, not a state of appearance, that you will treat all of God's people with respect, no matter the appearance.

Eliana, the outfits you choose are...very colorful. While I sometimes shake my head at your fashion sense, I hope you always will have the courage to wear what makes you feel beautiful. Addilyn, I hope you one day view under clothing as something that you should at least wear when wearing dresses. Annabelle, I hope you always love to dance naked...in the privacy of your own room. Girls, may you always find your belly buttons to be hilarious and never feel the need to pierce them. My you always embrace with love the jiggly thighs and soft belly you have, know God made women to be soft.

I hope, my sweet daughters, that you will always sing at the top of your lungs, even if it means cracking mirrors. And in the wise words of Bruno Mars, may your lyrics of life all ways ring out "you are beautiful, just the way you are"

All of my love, your Mommy

Wordless Wednesday- A year ago

2011-04-27T08:41:00.002-06:00

For thought...

2011-04-22T12:52:00.001-06:00

I Took His Hand and Followed
Mrs. Roy L. Peifer

My dishes went unwashed today,

I didn't make the bed,

I took his hand and followed

Where his eager footsteps led.

Oh yes, we went adventuring,

My little son and I...

Exploring all the great outdoors

Beneath the summer sky

We waded in a crystal stream,

We wandered through a wood...

My kitchen wasn't swept today

But life was gay and good.

We found a cool, sun-dappled glade

And now my small son knows

How Mother Bunny hides her nest,

Where jack-in-the-pulpit grows.

We watched a robin feed her young,

We climbed a sunlit hill...

Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky,

We plucked a daffodil.

That my house was neglected,

That I didn't brush the stairs,

In twenty years, no one on earth

Will know, or even care.

But that I've helped my little boy

To noble manhood grow,

In twenty years, the whole wide world

May look and see and know.

Homeschool 101

2011-04-21T14:04:00.002-06:00

I didn't think it would happen to me. Others, fine, to each their own and all that. But now it has happened to me. Eliana is starting school in the fall, we were thrilled when she got into the school we wanted. And now we are moving. And all the good schools are wait-listed and did drawings for spots months ago.

All that is left is public school. A quick word on that; I am not a public school hate-er. I do believe that the money the schools are given per student is not used where it is most effective (in the CLASSROOM!). I believe teachers unions will be the death of public school. I believe that changes need to be made, they know how to make them, and teachers need to make more money than they do. Teachers have to teach to the lowest common denominator and have too many kids and not enough time or help. All that being said, I doubt any of my kids will attend a public school. I am not a big fan of a lot of Christian school because...well...I am not a big fan of most things labeled "Christian". I love some of the private schools and some of the charters are doing great things but those are not an option either.

And so I am left to home school. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at I time, so I am told. So I started to do what I do, collect information. Here is what I am processing right now, types of homeshool:

Traditional—Textbook/workbook approach, emphasizing reading, writing, grammar, and spelling through drill and practice.

Classical—Following the medieval “trivium,” a child’s education progresses from fundamental facts and skills to logic and advanced language abilities. Students study the great works of Western literature.

Unit studies (instructor-designed thematic studies)—Progress in several disciplines is woven around a particular theme.

Unschooling / Child-directed / Delight-directed—Allowing a child to learn by encouraging and equipping him to pursue his own interests (guided or unguided exploration).

I find myself totally drawn to parts of the last 3 of these and I am guessing my style will just be like I am; a little of everything thrown together until it works.

Now, I am pretty sure I won't be able to screw up a moderately intelligent kindergartner even if I just wing it. But as I start to embrace the face I will be the teacher, I am finding myself really excited. I love Eliana, I love teaching her and spending time with her. I look forward to how much fun we will have. I am excited to have Addilyn learn right beside her. I can't wait for the projects and trips and memories we will make together.

As I embark on this adventure, I do have a couple of hang-ups. I was soooo excited to send Elie to the Montessori school, she would have LOVED it. I was excited for Addilyn to have time to be the big sister at home, her and Annabelle would have had so much fun.

I am sure this is the first of MANY posts about this, I feel like I have so much information to process. Enjoy the ride!

Wordless Wednesday- Uncle T

2011-04-20T13:42:00.000-06:00

Toil

2011-04-12T14:55:00.003-06:00

Adullam has been discussing over the last few months what it looks like to me a missional family. It has been a great series. One of the things that is important to the Adullam community is that we spend our effort and our money on the things God thinks are important. Cool building? Not really on God's heart. A church family who is actively loving the community? A great thing to fund. This attitude carries over into our family life too. This weeks topic (taught on by Matt Smay) was work.

Now, I must say, while he did a great job talking to those who have traditional 9-5 jobs, he did totally leave out about 30%a who don't get paid and work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are mothers. Matt read from Ecclesiastes and Genesis. He talk about the fall of man and how man's work became toil. In Ecclesiastes it talks about no matter how hard you work, you leave it to someone else when you die. You see, God never meant for us to define ourselves by our work. Yes, work is something you have to do and you can do in a God honoring way, but it is just a job.

What if you stopped planning your world around your career? What if you chose to believe that the time you spend developing relationships with others, serving and things like that is actually the important part of you week? Matt did some shocking math. We figure that "we just don't have time" for stuff other than work and sleep, but did you know once you take those two out you still have over %40 of your time free?

Motherhood is a little different. I am on call at all hours and my "work" looks a little different. It takes the form of laundry, sweeping, making beds, picking up, cooking, shopping, and everything else that goes along with being a stay at home mom. But this lesson can still apply in my life. Do I spend my time on things that are on God's heart?

Every day I make choices for how my children and I spend time. Just like I am not off the hook for doing my work, I need to be careful that I don't define myself by it. A clean floor is not more important than snuggle time with a little girl who is having a rough day. Beds made are not God's heart as much as friendships made are. I can choose to prioritise opportunities to serve, both my family and others. I want my children to see in my life that people are more important than things.

And then the hours when the house is quiet. The children are asleep and it is the closest I come to for "free time". Do I park my butt on the couch to watch tv or do I choose to follow God's heart and spend time in good conversation with my husband. Do I surf the net or plan fun activities that will help me get to know other moms in my area? Where is God's heart in my life? No one is exempt from toil, but it was never meant to define you. God, help me be attune to your heart. Let my energy be spent in ways that honor You.

Becky's Oat Bars

2011-04-11T18:28:00.001-06:00

Some people start to feel nervous when their gas tank gets below a quarter full. My idiot light is usually on for a good 10 miles before I fill up. Others get anxious when their bank account gets below a certain number. Ummm yeah, I am not sure we have ever had a time in our marriage where we had excess, I am ok with small numbers. I do have times when I start to feel a little uncertain, it directly correlates with the amount of baked goods in our home. I like to know when I need a treat to go with my afternoon tea I will have one readily available.

My friend Becky likes good food, this is one of the many reasons I like her. She posted a recipe recently on her blog (see Blogroll at right for address) and I thought it seemed like something I must try. The problem is I am completely unable to follow instructions as written. Be this tied to my issues with authority (it isn't a issue, in my opinion, I just don't LIKE authority, but I digress) or my need to express my creative flair, I went ahead and altered the recipe to fit my needs.

I like to say I am "good at using what is on hand". What this translates to is "I don't plan ahead enough to really follow any type of written recipe". This means that instead of using blueberries like Becky calls for, I used a mix of raspberries that I had frozen, fresh strawberries and blueberries that we started to look a little wrinkled. I figure this would be tasty with whatever fruit you had (I'm thinking' I am going to have to try it with apples and cinnamon here soon) and maybe even amazing with dried fruit (apricots anyone?) With no further ado, here is the recipe, if your the type who likes these things:

Becky's Fruit and Oat Bars
3/4 c. butter (if dairy free use coconut oil or dairy free margarine)
1 c. brown sugar 1 1/2 c. flour (if GF use Bob's Red Mill flour mix and 1 tsp. xanthan gum)
1/4 c. flax meal
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. oatmeal (optional 1/2 c. chopped pecans)
2 c. fruit (my berries were tart to say the least, so I tossed them with 1 T sugar)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugar, mix in flour, salt until well blended, add oatmeal. Press half of the mixture into a greased 9x13 inch pan: spread fruit over the mixture and sprinkle with the remaining oatmeal mixture. (Like a crumb topping) Bake @ 25minutes or until golden brown. Cool 5-10 minutes before cutting into bars.

So yummy if served a bit warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Or perfect with a hot cup of tea mid-afternoon. Now you will never again have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize tea time has come and you are without a treat to go with it.

My life plan

2011-04-04T10:32:00.006-06:00

Some people have "bucket lists", which I admire, you know how I LOVE myself a good list. Strangely enough, I have yet to make a bucket list. This totally seems like something I would love to do; I love a good plan and lists make me unquestionable happy...maybe I can add "bucket list" to my "to-do" list.

While I don't have myself a handy dandy "bucket list" I do have a well organized life plan. I assume God has some plans of His own for my life and I am more than happy to switch to His plan at any time. But until I see the sky writer/direct message from God, this is what I am going to be doing:

1- Move to Jersey for Matt's job. Ok, so he doesn't actually HAVE the job in Jersey but a plan has to start somewhere. Live in Jersey for a couple of years, home school Eliana and work on getting my parent educator certification so I can practice as a postpartum doula and parent educator.

2- Move back to Colorado. Enroll Eliana at Montessori Peaks with Addilyn. Work on growing my nest egg for a few years until all my kids are in school.

3-Start my second business (my first being my roll as a parent educator). A coffee shop/kids play area. Cooler than Monkey Business, more like The Wonder Place but with a nice coffee shop in the front. Have a class room on site where we do children's classes (music, art, science) during the week and birthday parties on the weekend.

4- Run both businesses for a while until kids are Jr. High age. Move to Haiti for a year or two with the whole family. Start a woman's education group with Pwoje Espwa and Mothers Global village that teaches impoverished women how to start their own businesses to support their families. Offer micro-loans to get them started. Train one of the women to take over the school and return to America

5- Upon re-entry to US, enroll my kids in High School. Take my businesses back over. Get all kids out of the house, happily enrolled in the college program of their choice. Work on writting my first book, maybe a "mom humor" type or maybe something else. I have a while to decide.

6- Matt and I sell our house and RV around the country for a year or two. Once the kids are out of college, start traveling the world. Continue my writting, maybe free lance for a mag or two.

7- Get our girls married off to nice, Jesus loving boys. Buy a small place to retire. Enjoy grand kids while supporting the missions work we started. Die happy :)

Sisters

2011-04-01T20:35:00.000-06:00

I am blessed for MANY reasons: I live in America, I live in the beautiful state of Colorado (for now, at least), I was raised by parents who loved Jesus and I HAVE SISTERS! If you would have asked me when I was young if sisters were a blessing you would have gotten mixed reviews depending on the age and when you caught me. As an adult I have grown to see what amazing women my sisters are. They are so different from each other and from me and I admire so much about them. They are hard workers, amazing mothers, great wives and have so much to teach me. I am so glad we are close. When we had Eliana, I prayed that she would have a sister. God must have really been listening because she ended up with 2! My girls are buddies. They play for hours on end, take care of each other and even thought they sometimes drive each other nuts, they really do love each other. I thank God that I have sister and that my girls do too.

Wordless Wednesday- Girls

2011-03-31T20:32:00.000-06:00

Spring means kittens

2011-03-25T14:19:00.001-06:00

It is getting to be spring. This means flowers and warmer days, sunshine and things turning green, and if you foster cats it means LOTS of kittens.

We have been a foster home for kittens for almost a year now and what a blessing it has been. Besides my daughters loving it, they have learned so much about compassion and responsibility. Having kittens has stimulated all kinds of great conversations about life and death, the effects of our choices on others and doing your work even when you don't want to because someone is counting on you. The girls and I have learned so much.

At our house we currently have 2 mama cats. Sasha gave birth to a litter of 4 girls last week. Honeybear is huge and pregnant and going to pop any day now. I swear she must have 6 kittens at least in there, with her tennis ball head and beach ball belly she can hardly walk. If left at the shelter, these mama and their litters would have been killed. You see, shelters have limited space and kittens can't be adopted out until they are 8 weeks old so shelters just can't keep them. My friend Georgia picks them up and we keep them until they are big enough to find forever homes.

Interested? The amount of work it takes to care for kittens is minimal and more could be saved if more people were willing to snuggle a kitten for a few weeks. You won't be sorry.

Tea

2011-03-24T08:06:00.000-06:00

I love being the mother of girls. The dresses and shoes, the bows and babies and especially the tea parties. Eliana and I have been doing tea since she was about 2 years old. We don't do it every day but it does seem to happen several times a month. Sometimes we use my tea stuff (full size) and sometimes we use hers (miniature). We set the table/floor, get out our napkins and table cloth, brew some tea, fetch some cookies and sometimes invite our friends. It is all very formal. I have discovered that some tea edict, that you would think is a given, is less so when doing tea with a one, three and five year old. Here is my list:

- It is impolite to stick your toes in your cup of tea or anyone elses.
- Sisters will get angry if you take their cookie off their plate, even if you were not going to eat it but just lick the frosting off of it.
-It is good manors to wear undies to the tea party while wearing a dress and sitting on the floor
- Don't lick the spoon that everyone is using to stir their tea even if there is a little sugar stuck to it.
-If you turn away for even a moment, someone will empty the sugar dish into their mouth
-When papa comes up from working JUST so he can have a tea party with his girls, the girls will glow the rest of the day
-It is always good to have a metal list of good conversation topics so you don't get stuck talking about why the kittens have stinky toots.
- Everyone is invited, even the baby, even though she may spill her tea and sit on the fruit plate

If you ever find yourself without something to do mid day, please give me a call. We will brew a fresh pot, put on our undies and wash our toes just for you.

Wordless Wednesday- Just watchin' tv

2011-03-23T14:00:00.001-06:00

the IN BETWEEN

2011-03-21T16:26:00.004-06:00

We all have areas of our character that are in need of...refinement. I have some things I have made progress on and some that I have a loooooong way to go on. One of these is living in the in between stages of life. When you know a big choice is looming on the horizon but you don't have any information or power to make a choice and keep moving. I am a do-er. I am a fix-er. I am not a wait-er.

We are at that place in our life right now. Matt has some big job changes coming up but nothing that we can move on just yet. I hate this place. I makes me grumpy and hard to live with, just ask Matt. You see, Sony has decided that Matt's job is no longer remote based. That means he has to go into his office. Every day. And California is a reaaaaallly long commute. While they have told us this, they have not yet given us the "move to California" offer. So we wait.

A former coworker of Matt's has contacted him about another position. Matt is really excited about what the job includes....everything except that the job includes living in New Jersey. Actually, Matt is ok with living in New Jersey, it is Gretchen who who wants to live there like I want a hole in my head. That is ok, because they haven't given Matt an official offer yet either. So we wait.

Another person who used to work with Matt has been trying to get him to come on board for a while now at his new company. Matt has been talking to him, too. We would have to live in the Bay area or in Fort Collins for that job. But they haven't given Matt an offer either and we are still waiting on a interview for them. So we wait.

A local company just asked if Matt would be willing to talk to them on Wednesday. Of course Matt is very willing. But it is Monday and we don't know much about the position, so we wait.

I hate waiting. If I am to move, fine, let me know so I can start the organizing, packing, purging, etc (ugh, even writing that makes me tired!) But I HATE waiting. I bet God is trying to teach me something right now, but I am not feeling real "teachable". I am feeling grumpy and impatient. Have I mentioned that I HATE WAITING?

Overheard

2011-03-19T15:23:00.002-06:00

-Eliana, while watching mama cat giving birth to kittens "I sure am glad I am a people so I don't have to lick all that icky stuff off my babies"

-Addilyn, while introducing me to her newest polly pocket "Meet Repunzel-Repunzel-let-dow-your-hair"

- Annabelle, while pinning a kitten down to wash its face with a wet wipe "Wash. Ick"

Hello Cupcake

2011-03-18T21:34:00.001-06:00

Some things just make my day. The children sleeping in and waking up happy, a clean house, empty laundry baskets...and food. I am a big fan of food. Some people are "eat to live" types, I am not one of them. Finding a great deal at the store also makes me happy. I choose to believe I am "thrifty" not "cheap". And kitchen gadgets. Ok, so that is a little random, but I really like kitchen things. Maybe it is my love of food. The other day was a GREAT day when I came across a cupcake maker on clearance at Target. My heart skipped a beat. My husband rolled his eyes but my girls were thrilled.
Meet my new friend. Isn't she adorable?! And the best part is that she makes 6 cupcakes in 10 minutes! The girls and I put the little gadget to work right away with some chocolate chocolate chip cup cakes that I frosted with chocolate frosting I had in my fridge (what, you don't always have several types of frosting on hand?!) They were great, fast, easy and yummy.

I suppose some might argue that 1-No one needs cupcakes so often that they would need one of these and 2- an oven works just fine. To this person I say HA! You have no scope of imagination!! And of COURSE you need cupcakes often enough to justify a cute little guy like this! But, even if you're not a cup cake eater (really, can we still be friends?) here are some things that I will be making in my sassy pink machine:

-Cheesecake (use ginger snap as a crust)
-Rice Pudding (left over rice mixed with milk and an egg, dash of sugar, Cinnamon and vanilla)
-brownies
-Cookie cups (press cookie around cupcake form and fill with ice cream when cooled)
- Muffins (pams if your GF or Jiffy mix if your not, add whatever fruit you have on hand)
- bread pudding (dry bread mixed with milk, eggs, Cinnamon baked then topped with syrup)
- Baked oatmeal (oatmeal, egg, milk, applesauce, brown sugar and whatever fruit you have)

Now my husband is not really a sweets kind of guy, although the cookie cups and brownies did get his attention, so here are some ideas for REAL food

-quiche (mix eggs, dash of milk and creamed spinach to cook in cups)
- fritatta (frozen hash browns, frozen pepper and onion mix, eggs)
- Biscuits (prepared biscuit mix stirred up with bacon bits and cheese)
- Corn bread (plain or add ham and cheese or black beans, green chilies and cheese)
- Meatloaf cups (meatloaf formed into cup, baked the filled with mashed potatoes)

My mouth is watering. I have used my fancy little machine for several types of cup cakes and muffins and can't wait to branch out. I should add that I use it with silicone muffin cups to make it easier. I know there is a children's cook book devoted to making things in the little silicone cup cake cups that I may need to check out from the library for more ideas.

If you have little pink cupcake machine envy (and I KNOW you do) you need to scoot yourself over to Target and pick one up while they are on clearance. You won't be sorry, but you might go up a pant size.

St. Patty's Day

2011-03-17T15:28:00.001-06:00

We are big on celebrating random holidays in the Crocker house. St Patricks day is especially fun. We get the chance to celebrate a man who chose to spend his life telling the very people who wronged him that Jesus loves them. We get to learn about and celebrate all things Irish. And don't even get me started on the green beer and corned beef and cabbage.

Need to brush up on your St. Patrick facts? Read on:

Who Was Saint Patrick?
Even though Saint Patrick the patron saint of Ireland and one of the most celebrated religious figures around the world, the factual information about his life and times is quite vague. Most information about St. Patrick has been twisted, embellished, or simply made up over centuries by storytellers, causing much ambiguity about the real life of St. Patrick. However, there are a some elements of his story about which most scholars accept to be true.
According to Coilin Owens, Irish literature expert and Professor Emeritus of English at George Mason University, Saint Patrick is traditionally thought to have lived "between 432-461 A.D., but more recent scholarship moves the dates up a bit." At the age of sixteen he was kidnapped from his native land of the Roman British Isles by a band pirates, and sold into slavery in Ireland. Saint Patrick worked as a shepherd and turned to religion for solace. After six years of slavery he escaped to the Irish coast and fled home to Britain.
While back in his homeland, Patrick decided to become a priest and then decided to return to Ireland after dreaming that the voices of the Irish people were calling him to convert them to Christianity.
After studying and preparing for several years, Patrick traveled back to Ireland as a Christian missionary. Although there were already some Christians living in Ireland, St. Patrick was able to bring upon a massive religious shift to Christianity by converting people of power. Says Prof. Owens, "[St. Patrick] is credited with converting the nobles; who set an example which the people followed."
But Patrick's desire to spread of Christianity was not met without mighty opposition. Prof. Owens explains, "Patrick ran into trouble with the local pagan priesthood, the druids: and there are many stories about his arguments with them as well as his survival of plots against them." He laid the groundwork for the establishment of hundreds of monasteries and churches that eventually popped up across the Irish country to promote Christianity.
Saint Patrick is also credited with bringing written word to Ireland through the promotion of the study of legal texts and the Bible, says Prof. Owens. Previous to Patrick, storytelling and history were reliant on memory and orally passing down stories.
Patrick's mission in Ireland is said to have lasted for thirty years. It is believe he died in the 5th century on March 17, which is the day St. Patrick's Day is commemorated each year.
The first year St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in America in 1737 in Boston, Massachusetts. The first official St. Patrick's Day parade was held in New York City in 1766. As the saying goes, on this day "everybody is Irish!" Over 100 U.S. cities now hold Saint Patrick's Day parades

So today, put on something green, go hunt leprichans, and raise a toast to all things IRISH!

Wordless Wednesday- Flordia

2011-03-16T15:27:00.000-06:00

Mac and Cheese

2011-03-15T15:01:00.003-06:00

I am not a food blogger, forgive the "meh" picture and understand the AWESOMENESS that is what I am going to share with you.

I am not a flaky person, generally. I am a list maker to keep me from being a flake. Sometimes, while at the store, I have a moment when I questions my list, thinking I forgot something I am sure we needed. I toss the item in the cart only to find 3 more like it when I come home. Sigh. I should trust the list.

This is what happened with cottage cheese. What does one do with 4 containers of cottage cheese, especially when one daughter is dairy free and one loudly announces that she no longer likes cottage cheese? Mac and cheese, baby.

Home made mac and cheese doesn't make the list of "diet foods" or "healthy foods" but seems to be right at the top of the "comfort food" category. But it is generally a lot of work. If I can come up with a recipe that is healthy, low cost and yummy it is the dinner trifecta. MMMMMMmmmm. This one totally counts.

I am not a recipe follower, but let me tell you how I made this tasty dish.

-Empty half a pack (8 or so oz) of dry pasta into a dish, a 8 x 8 would be nice and full. I had shells. Any small noodle would work.

-Dump in most of a 1 pound container of small curd cottage cheese, choose low fat/non fat if your being healthy. Add about 1/2 cup of milk (skim, if you must) and about 1 1/2 cups of shredded cheese. I had sharp Cheddar on hand so that is what I used. Stir it all up. Salt and pepper to taste

-Cover dish tightly with foil and place in 350 degree oven for about 30 min. Check your noodles to see if they are soft. If so, pull out of the oven and top with bread crumbs mixed with butter and seasoning. Return to oven until crumbs are a little crisp, maybe 10 minutes.

-ENJOY!

This is so easy and so fast and very yummy. Doctor it up with ground beef or ham and peas and you have a whole meal. Serve with a salad and try to save some for tomorrows lunch, makes great left overs :) Pretty sure it would work in the crock pot but I haven't tried it yet.

Parenting the heart

2011-03-05T08:59:00.004-07:00

I was a perfect parent...before I had kids. I knew EXACTLY how I would raise my children, who would be obedient and well behaved. And then I had kids. Each fearfully and wonderful designed...differently. What works on one doesn't phase the other. Just when I think I have a plan of action everything comes apart at the seams.

Today I read this and it challenged my heart.The author speaks of parenting from the position of grace, understanding who your child is and what they actually can do, and choosing to understand your childs HEART above their actions. Parenting with the intent of shaping character instead of punishing behavior.

Eliana is my sweet oldest. She loves to be in charge, she wants to be older than she is and, to my occasional dismay, she completely orbits her own universe. She is generally honest, wants to obey, loves to have my full attention to talk and can't stay on task to save her life. She SOOOO reminds my of my oldest sister. Wonderfully creative but scattered, smart but ditzy, so loving if she could just remember where she put her...I am sometimes to harsh on Eliana. I get frustrated by her inability to finish a task and end up making her feel bad. If I stop to understand her heart, I know she isn't being rebellious. Instead of nagging her to stay on task, I need to remember to teach her the tools she needs to focus her attention. I need to break big projects down into 5 minute jobs. She is like Matt, needing to daily hear how important she is to me and how much I value who she is. She needs one on one time with just me, with my full attention.

Addilyn is my joyful puppy. Always knocking things over, unable to sit still, silly, happy, funny. Loves her sisters but needs her space more than Eliana does. Wants to know how and why things work the way they do. Everything still goes in her mouth. Loves to work with her hands, run, wrestle, jump and climb. Needs time to be still and snuggle with me. At this age Elie never used a sippy cup but Addilyn knocks over more glasses of milk out of shear inattention. I try to remember that it isn't intentional. I give her sippy cups instead of setting her up for failure. When this girl is tired or hungry her world falls apart into tears and fits. It isn't her fault I made her run errands past her lunch time when she is ready for a nap, she is too little to have the self control to keep it together. I need to remember her heart isn't rebellious, her tummy is hungry and her head is tired.

Annabelle is a firecracker. Little and loud, full of opinions, I found her standing in the middle of the kitchen table the other day and she screamed bloody murder when I removed her. Sigh. She babbles non stop, wants to do what the big kids do, has ideas about everything and comes unglued when she feels like you don't understand or are not listening to what she needs. She wants what she wants and she wants it NOW. She, more than my other two, I need to remember I am shaping her heart not punishing her behavior. She doesn't have the ability to 'wait' yet, it is a concept completely beyond her grasp. Her world is NOW. She throws fits in frustration and needs compassion when what I want to do is THUMP her head. She is one, she is a baby still. God grant me patients!

Parenting can't be reactive. I don't want to lay down hard and fast rules that my kids feel the need to challenge to defines themselves as there own people. I want my children to be set up for success, guide them into making good choices, shape there character to be like Christs. Even on my best parenting days, I don't get it all right. Thank the Lord for grace and good therapists!

Mrs. Fix it

2011-03-03T21:20:00.002-07:00

The older I get (all of my 30 years) the more I learn about myself. Some things are good, unfortunately, the ones I most need to learn and most often learn are...something less than good.

Today I was reading a friends blog (Hi Shi!) about a young teen whos life is very hard. Pregnant, crappy home life, now dropping out of school with a young toddler. My first thought? We should invite her to live with us! She can go to school, I can help her, and the baby can stay with us while she is in class! Ok, I have never met this girl. We have 5 people in a small 3 bed room house. I doubt she is interested in living with a complete stranger. But I can't help it.

Hi, my name is Gretchen and I am a fixer. Need someone to listen to your problems? Ha! Not only can I listen, but I will give you a laundry list of ideas of how to FIX those problems. Matt says I am totally unsympathetic when he is sick. Not so! I bring him tea, give him ideas of how to feel better, go to the store for drugs that might help.

Being a "fixer" happens not to be a very helpful character quality. When I offer all kinds of ideas of how to fix something I end up coming off as a "know it all" or someone who thinks I am always right. It doesn't help that I am a complete information junky. When a broken hearted friend spills their heart to me and I go off on how to feel better, I come off as insensitive and not listening. When Matt is sick and I try to fix him, he feel like I am impatient when all he wants is a little sympathy and a long nap.

God, help me shut my big mouth. Help me serve without unwanted commentary. Help me speak truth in LOVE when the time is right, not just when I feel the need to fix people. Help me have a deep understanding of all the fixing that needs to be done in my own life, keep me humble. God let me be your hands with an understanding that you alone are the real "fixer".

Grumpy

2011-03-02T16:05:00.003-07:00

I am feeling grumpy today. I have no good reason. I got a full nights sleep but still feel like I could use more. The weather is awesome, the kids are being reasonably well behaved, we are fostering 3 adorable kittens, my fridge is stocked my laundry is started, my house is... kind of a wreck, but that is nothing new. I have no reason for my bad attitude.

I just took a meal to a friend of mine with seven children, most of whom are sick right now, three who are sick enough to be spending time at the hospital and on oxygen. One of those three is under a year old. My kids are all healthy, as are Matt and I.

I leave for a few day in Miami a week from today. I will be spending time with Matt and laying in the sun, hanging out with friends. I have no reason for this funk.

We got our tax return. We have enough to pay for the un-fun stuff that comes up in life and a couple of plane tickets to CA later this summer. We are blessed beyond reason.

Matt just told me not to bother with dinner, that he will pick something up, so I am off the hook for cooking.

But no one took naps this afternoon. And the baby has an attitude problem. And the kittens pooped on my kitchen rug and then I stepped in it with my slipper and tracked it around the kitchen. My hair is doing crazy things. My husband is crazy busy at work and stressed out, then he leaves and I won't see him until next week. Though it is started, my laundry NEVER ends.

I would pray for a better attitude...but I don't want to. I don't want to clean the play room or vacuum the stairs. I don't want to hand the dress shirts. I don't want to scrub the floor, toilet or shower. I don't want to...do anything. Except sit here. Wallowing in my grumpys. Stewing in my surliness. Making those around me wish they weren't.

National Pig Day

2011-03-01T08:08:00.002-07:00

Today is National Pig day! Need some ideas of how to celebrate?

-Do "this Little Piggy" on your toes or someone elses

-Act out the story of the 3 little pigs

- Wear a pink curtly tail (cut a circle in a spiral) a nose (tp roll) and ears

- Eat pigs in a blanket (biscuit covered hot dogs/sausage)

- Practice spelling out the word PIG

- Look up information and pictures of pigs and how they live, what they eat, etc

- Build a piggy habitat out of blocks

- Lay blankets on the floor and pretend to roll in the mud

- Get out the pink play dough and make some piggies!

- Read a pig book (If you Give a Pig and Pancake or Pigs Can't Fly)

In New York...

2011-02-24T07:48:00.003-07:00

...Concrete jungles where dreams are made of..." Feel free to sing along.

Pretty sure when I am gone my girls are equal parts happy to see me return and sad that whom ever was taking care of them has to leave. We are blessed to have such great people in our lives to care for our girls. Thank you Rich and Crystal!

If you hadn't put it together yet, I just got home from a couple of days in New York City. It was a blast, I'm pretty sure I didn't see the back of my eyelids for the night any time before midnight the entire trip. We went to underground clubs, karoking, shopping, out to yummy dinners, to a Broadway show and hung out with friends until all hours. Least you think all I did was play, I had a 12+ hour workday on Monday to earn my keep.

Here are some things I learned on our trip:

-In a city where you do mostly walking/cabs/subway winter SUCKS. Its cold. It is windy. You can either choose cute shoes or practical ones. I have a shortage of practical shoes.

-When they say "City that never sleeps" they are not joking. Dinners start at 9 or later. Clubs don't get hopping until after midnight. Its fun, but for a suburban mother of 3, it is exhausting.

- Being gluten free is a pain in the neck. Surrounded by great food and only being able to eat a small percentage of it is such a bummer. On that note, Dean and Deluca has a fab gluten free chocolate orange muffin.

-I like having independent friends. Kari was with me this trip and it was so much fun! I have done the whole tourist thing in NYC but she hadn't. That brave girl navigated herself all around the big city part of the time, we would meet up, but it just worked out awesome.

-Note to idiot parents: It is not ok to let your 3 small children run around a very busy airport terminal playing tag. It is annoying. To everyone. Congratulations, on behalf of the rest of humanity who is sick of dealing with your undisciplined children, I hear by revoke your right to reproduce. And fly. And be in public until you teach your brats some manors.

The trip was fun but I am so glad to be back home with my girls. Matt flys in today. Poor baby had to stay an extra day so he could go to the Niks game. In the luxury suite. Oh the life we lead.

You know your raising girls when...

2011-02-13T10:39:00.001-07:00

-The black lab is walking around wearing bows and a blue necklace

-You have to remove an entire herd of my little ponies from the tub before you can shower

-Doing every ones hair before leaving the house takes at least 30 minutes and always ends with at least one of you in tears

-You sort laundry into four piles: white, lights, darks and pink. You can do at least one entire pink load a week

-Your children have more (and nicer!) clothes than you do

- You get several comments on your outfit, from make-up to shoes, and they don't come from you husband

-There are enough shoes in your house to outfit an entire day care...as long as the day care is all girls

- You start to believe that "sparkly" and "beautiful" are synonymous

- You are forced to play the prince and kiss all the princess so they can wake up and get married at least twice a day

-Drama stops phasing you in any form

-You over think the roll of Barbies, princess, and beauty in general

-You have a list of people in your life with whom you can no longer be friends after your daughters hit puberty because they are raising boys...cute boys.

Learning to be still

2011-02-08T14:10:00.003-07:00

I believe God respects who He made us to be. God did not create us all the same, therefore, each of our relationships with Him is unique. God is big, and He can roll like that. This means that my time with God might not look like yours, my worship might not look like yours and my prayers are my own too. This also means God deals with me differently than he deals with you, just like I deal with all my children differently with respect towards who they are.

God seems to teach me lessons one or two at a time. Maybe it because he understands that I can be pretty thick and pretty stubborn so He knows He has to make his point in several different ways. How great would it be to be they type of person God just had to whisper to and I could get the message, make the appropriate changes and live a better life because of it. Yeah, so not me. I am more the "keep poking until she pays attention" type of learner. Could be worse, I could be the "whap upside the head until they listen" kind.

One of the two lessons God is teaching me right now has to do with intentionality and being still. I am not good at that, and God seems to see this as an area that needs vast improvement. And while He has a valid point, I don't really want to learn. See, being still isn't fun. You don't really have anything to show for it when your done and it cramps my style. I like to multitask. I can answer e-mail and talk to my kid, unload the dishwasher and call a friend and watch tv and fold laundry.

While this all works in my life, I know it isn't his best for me. See God, in all his wisdom, doesn't really settle for " yeah, that's not too bad". While I can check e-mail and chat with my daughter, it means I am not very tuned in to her and she doesn't get my best. I want my children to know they are more important than my e-mail and my actions just were not showing that. My friend might not know that I am putting away spoon while she spills her heart, but it keeps me from being present in her plight and that isn't the kind of friend I want to be. Nothing is hurt by me watching television while folding laundry, but what would it hurt for me to just let my heart and mind be still while my hands were busy?

God has brought this to my attention through all types of things. Verses in the bible about "being still", articles in science about what multitasking really means to our brains, and even a very interesting piece written by a Buddhist about meditation. Talks with friends, sermons at church, lessons in bible study, all point me in one direction. BE STILL.

So 2011 is going to be about me learning to be still and be present. It isn't glamorous or productive, I don't really want to learn, but the knowledge of the area I have yet to grow weighs heavy on my heart. So I will stop and focus on one thing, one person at a time, intentionally giving them all my focus. I will learn to be still and listen. I will learn to quiet my heart and mind and give God my full attention, mediating on things bigger that my worldly needs and troubles. I will work to have a heart like his, a love like His, and I will be a better friend, better mother, better wife because of it.

House Rules

2011-02-07T14:35:00.002-07:00

Some, who know me well, might say I have some...issues...with authority. Now I don't know about issues, I just don't like being told what to do. I don't like following someone else truth, be it a recipe or bible study worksheet, I don't like to live my life "fill in the blank" style.

I pray my children are not like me. How great would it be to "go along to get along". It just isn't my style but it would be really nice if it was theirs.

Since I am not a good rule follower, I have very few rules in our house. They pretty much look like this:

-Respect yourself
-Respect others
-Respect your things

The end. We take baths because we respect the body God gave us. We stop chasing our sister when she yells "no!" because we respect others. We put away our things because we respect the blessings God gave us. Most behavior fits into the above three rules.

Our girls chat before bed time. Matt and I decide it isn't something we are going to fight. Who wants to end every night by yelling at your kids to shut up and go to sleep. Instead we have decided that part of the fun of sharing your room with your best friend is getting to be silly for a little bit before falling asleep every night. We put them to bed early enough that we don't worry about play time.

The other night I heard Eliana belly laughing a good 30 minutes after I put her to bed. And a few minutes later Addilyn was upset saying "I don't like it!". Matt when upstairs to see what was going on. I heard " Your cleaning this up in the morning!" and he came down the stairs in stitches. Apparently, in the boredom of a dark room, while putting off sleep, Eliana found a small hole in her pillow. She pulled out all the stuffing and needing somewhere to put it, decided to stuff it in her little sisters jammies. Matt came in the room to find a Cheshire cat and a stay-puff marshmallow man.

Now, the above situation clearly violates all three rules; you didn't respect your bodies need for sleep by playing, you didn't respect your sister and you ruined your pillow. Sigh. Maybe my children like rules as much as I do.

Wove, Twue Wove...

2011-02-01T12:51:00.002-07:00

And if you didn't finish this line from "Princess Bride" than you are no longer my friend.

Love is a funny thing. I think our culture has sold us a bill of goods regarding relationship and love. Here is the thing, love isn't a feeling. It isn't amazing sex, the tingle you get in your stomach when you see someone, obsession, hours spent gazing into each others eyes, long walks with sweaty hands. Sure, love CAN be that, but if that is all it is, you have come up short. I am not sure what you would call the above, but it isn't the full capacity of love.

Love is making sure your husband has clean underwear before a long trip, it is letting your spouse sleep in when you know they didn't sleep well the night before, it is being the first to say sorry when your pretty sure you were not wrong. It is picking the towel up off the bathroom floor for the 1,00oth time.

Love is a choice. Love is a servants heart, and least you think I put the cause of feminism back 100 years, let me say this: I serve Matt because I am his equal. If I served him because he was my superior, or I thought him to be, that isn't love but slavery.

Love isn't easy, it isn't something you FALL into. When you meet someone and they compliment who you are, when they bring out your best, encourage you, make you laugh, when the thought of waking up to there face every day for the rest of your life seems...doable. That is love. Easy is choosing to guard your heart. Easy is choosing to be angry and refuse to forgive when your rights have been violated. Love is forgiving before the other person apologises and that is hard. Love says "I will meet your needs and give 100%" even when the other person drops the ball and that is hard.

Love is intentional. For the first part of February, I choose love. I would like to believe that I make the choice to love Matt and my girls every day. But that isn't reality. Some days I am so focused on ME and MY needs and wants I forget to show love. Not for the next 14 day. I choose to be intentional and to honor my husband in some way, every day.

Love is an action word, not a passive feeling. I can love when I don't like. I can love when I am angry. I can choose to be patient and kind when I feel flustered and mean. I can choose to be happy for anothers blessings while feeling like my wants go unanswered. I can keep my blessings to myself and not rub it in others faces. Love will choose to hope when the heart wants to dispare. Love bites its tongue when you want to say "told you so". Love protects the least of these when it isn't really your problem. Love fights for truth when it isn't the easy thing to do and you would rather cover your butt. Love fights for right even when your beaten.

Today, I choose LOVE. Not the bleached, nicely packaged type of love that culture is selling. The messy love, the serving love, the giving love, the love that may cause pain but I will choose it anyway. Because life was never meant to be clean and neatly wrapped.

Five in a Row- Jamberry

2011-01-31T11:06:00.002-07:00

Monday: Language-What are new words to us (bramble, jamboree) What do we think they mean? The author uses made up words, can you remember what they are? Add berry to the end of some of our words or names.

Tuesday: Art- The illustrator drew a world where food grows on trees. What are other things he pretends? Get out crayons, markers, paints, stickers and create your own world. Where world you get food? What colors would things be?

Wednesday: Cooking- Use cookie cutters to cut out heart shaped bread. Smash several types of berries and cook with a little bit of sugar until you make a simple jam. Spread on heart bread. Use coffee stirrers to make patterns with fruit and eat for lunch.

Thursday: Creative movement- On one page of the book they are dancing in fields. Grab ribbons and streamers and decide how they are dancing.See if you can make big circles with the ribbons or lines. On another page they are skating on jam. Put on socks and "skate" around pretending your on jam.

Friday: Science- Look up where berries grow. What do they need to grow? Could we grow them in our yard? What would be the best spot?

Wordless Wednesday- the girls

2011-01-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

Addilyn Joy- Age 3

2011-01-24T16:01:00.002-07:00

Sweet, funny Addilyn Joy. When we chose Joy for your middle name we couldn't have known how fitting it would be. You love life, are rarely grumpy and have a sense of humor just like your Bumpa. Your independent and helpful, always ready for a snack and come running when you hear me working in the kitchen. Though your quick to lose your temper, everything can be made better in your world with a quick "nuggle". Your remind me of Linus the way your drag around your once yellow blanket. I am always finding baby dolls in your sisters crib that you put nigh-night. If the crib is occupied, I find your various friends tucked into my bed. You love play dough and jokes, playing with your sister and going on walks. You glow when you get time alone with mama or papa. We celebrated your 3rd birthday with friends and teddy bear cup cakes that you helped me make. You got a new bear and jammies, a crib for you babies, a coloring board and my little ponies, a new tutu and you were thrilled. Addilyn, your such a blessing in our lives. Loved beyond words, treasured as the gift from God that you are.

The "D" word

2011-01-20T10:21:00.002-07:00

I have a confession. I am 30 years old and up until last week I have NEVER BEEN ON A DIET. Don't be too impressed. Up into my early 20's I weighed almost nothing (thanks Celiac Disease!) but I was also dying a slow death. After diagnosis I put on 25ish pounds and finally looked healthy.Then for the last almost 6 years I have been pregnant or nursing. Just when I would think about trying to lose the baby weight, I would get knocked up again.

The baby making factory is now an entertainment only facility. My youngest is a year old so I have to claim the last few pounds of "baby weight" as just plain fat. In February I am headed to New York with Matt for work and then in March I am going to Miami. I want Matt to feel proud to have me on his arm, I want to look good in clothes and feel confident. It was time to bite the bullet.

When I got home from Las Vegas I decide to really, actually diet. You know, the kind where you actually track what you eat and have a plan. I would say exercise, but I don't do that. I down loaded the app "My Fitness Tracker" and have really liked it. I put in my starting weight (168) and the weight goal (155) my activity level, my height, my age and other important info.

Each day I enter what I have eaten. It may not be one hundred percent accurate because I am eating gluten free, but it is close. If I accidental exercise (like shoveling snow the other morning) I enter that too. It tracks my nutrition information so the focus can be on good health instead of just being skinny.

These are my observations about dieting so far:

-I am more likely to make me myself something tasty when I know I have only x amount of calories per day instead of eating whatever happens to be left on the girls plates or on the counter.

-Cutting out desserts and sweets will never happens so I might as well plan on eating them and work the rest of my meals around that.

-My nutrition numbers look much better when I load up on fruit and veggies and it keeps my calories down.

-Matt is doing the diet too. It is more fun to do with someone else. We encourage each other and it is easy to make low calorie meals when i know he wants them that way too

My jeans are a little looser and I have lost about 5 pounds. So far watching what I eat isn't too painful and I don't really mind doing it. If I am down to my pre-baby weight by NYC I will be thrilled!

Kittens

2011-01-17T10:54:00.002-07:00

To the adorable Kittens,

Well, it is about that time. Time for you to venture out from the comfort of our home to find your forever families. I wish you luck and offer these words of advice to ease your transition into your new homes;

-DO climb up on your new persons lap, flop over for a belly rub and puurrrrrr your little heart out. This makes people like you.

-DON'T climb up on your new persons shoulder and let one rip. Kitten toots are very unpleasant and won't endear you to anyone.

-DO happily scarf down any type of food you new people choose to buy for you. Your a freeloading fur ball and can't afford to be too picky.

-DON'T climb up on the table and help yourself. It is beyond obnoxious to tip over glasses of milk so you may better drink them. When you do it for the 3ed time in one day it makes people want to pick you up by the scruff of your neck and shake the cute right out of you.

-DO say "good morning" by rubbing up on your new persons leg and letting out a loud purrrrr.

-DON'T say "good morning" by sticking your head in your persons cup of coffee and sneezing. No one wants to drink cat snot for breakfast.

So as I send you on your way, I wish you long lives and happy homes. We have enjoyed having you in our family. My life bring you many long naps in the sun, lots of string to chase and many a belly rub.

With Love,

The Crocker Family

Sick

2011-01-15T14:28:00.002-07:00

My house is strangely quiet for a Saturday afternoon. There is the sound of the tea pot on the stove making the water hot for the um-teent cup of tea, the sound of cartoons quietly on the t.v. This is the sound of our house when everyone is sick. Yes, everyone.

It started with Matt. Vegas, with its recycled air and tons of people is a challenge for the immune system. Matt's failed him. He has had a scratchy throat and sniffle nose for a while and the last few days he succumbed and became ill, fever and all.

Next to fall was Addilyn. She is a tough cookie, that one. Doesn't whine, just looks pathetic with a 103 temp and asks to "nuggle" for a little while.

Last night was Annabelle and Eliana. All four now have fevers, body aches, chills and a cough. Eliana with all the drama to go with. Annabelle just wanting to nurse and snuggle.

Then there is me, sleep deprived by healthy, doing my best to hold down the fort. Making tea, rocking babies, fetching drinks of water, putting on movies, trying to temp a sick family with little snacks so that they will eat something. Snuggling, my lap has been full all day.

This won't go down as one of my more productive weekends, but if I can see Monday with a house full of recovering sickies and my healthy firmly intact, I will consider it a success.

School

2011-01-12T14:37:00.002-07:00

It snuck up on me. I thought I had more time. I am in complete denial. I signed up Eliana for school. Not preschool, but real, honest to God, kindergarten.

I have struggled with this for a while. I like my oldest child. A lot. I love to talk to her, which is good because she is rarely quiet. I love hearing how her mind works and answering her questions. I have loved teaching her to read, learning about kittens, helping her help me cook. I don't want to send her away, not even for half a day. Her sisters love her, she keeps the peace and is my second set of hands. I'm not ready for her to be big and worse, gone.

And yet. Eliana loves people and is beside herself excited at the idea of going to school. She loves to learn and be big. It would do Addilyn good to be the big kid in the house. I think I am learning to let go.

We visited the school we would like her to go to. Eliana was impressed, she was ecstatic about the library and impressed with the playground. Matt and I love the multiple age groupings and the hands on learning. We loved the low teacher/student ratio and the emphasis on independence.

So we enter the age of the school age child. I'm not ready.

Pineapple Mesa Waffles

2011-01-09T18:12:00.004-07:00

Food. It makes me happy. Sometimes I am shocked I don't weigh 300 pounds. There is this fab breakfast place called Snooze. I heart them, they make gluten free things that I can eat, and we are not just talking Bacon and eggs but real live pancakes! My favorite is the pineapple upside down pancake.

The bad thing about Snooze is they are in downtown Denver. And I am in Littleton. And my husband is in Vegas. And I have 3 small children not fit to be in public after about 5:30 pm. And it is really freakin' cold out. And snowing. And did I mention the 3 small children?

My girls are great breakfast eaters, iffy lunch eaters and truly terrible dinner eaters. So when the Matt's away the girls will play, and eat breakfast for dinner. Tonight's pick was waffles.

While I was in Vegas I got into a conversation with a friend (HI ERIC!) about mesa flour. I use Me Se Ca which I can get at Kings but the good, fine stuff I cant find. He lives in Florida and promised to send me some. Remembering the yummy pancakes at Snooze, thinking breakfast is a good meal and with mesa on the brain lead me to the creation of these. That and the fact we have no normal dinner items in the house and I am not yet desperate enough to take 3 small children groceries shopping in the snow. These were amazing. To try them yourself:

3/4 cup flour (if your GF use Sorghum with a 1/2 tsp of xanthan gum)
1/4 cup corn meal
3/4 cup Mesa Harina
1/2 tsp. baking soda
dash of salt and Cinnamon
1 Tbsp brown sugar

Mix all of the above in a bowl. Remove howling baby from leg and try to convince her to go color with her sisters. Add to bowl

1 1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup plain yogurt (Greek would work too, or buttermilk)
2 eggs, beaten

Now if your a fan of really fluffy and crisp waffles, beat your egg whites until stiff and fold into the rest of the ingredients. I am lazy. My children a hungry and foul tempered at this time of day. I just dumped it in and mixed. Grease waffle iron, I used coconut oil because the smell makes me think of the beach and we have 6 inches of snow outside. Pour batter into hot, well greased waffle iron, top batter with

canned pineapple (crushed or the small chunk kind)
sprinkle of Cinnamon and sugar

Make sure your greased the lid part well before you shut it otherwise you will be forced to try and lick caramelized pineapple and sugar straight from the iron it welded itself too which is a good way to end up with strange square burns on your lips. And tongue. And nose. And forehead.

Walk away from the iron and let your waffle cook least you stand and wait for it and drool on the iron which could make the waffle taste...off. Tell 5 year old that, despite how pretty she is sure it would be, she may not color on her lips with the red marker. Or her sisters lips. Or the dogs. Rep remand one year old for sticking crayons up the dogs nose and then licking them. Ask three year old, for the 15th time today, where in heavens name her undies have gone. Check on waffle.

When your waffle is done, plate it and drizzle with caramel sauce. I used home made because that is what I had. Yes, I had home made caramel sauce and no maple syrup, don't judge me. I am sure the store bought stuff would be good too. If your feeling really adventurous, slice up a banana and toss on some pecans. Enjoy crisp, flavorful waffles!

Now if I was a good blogger, or a food blogger, I would have taken a picture of a beautifully plated waffle complete with a garnish. But I am not. I am a hungry mother of 3 who was thrilled to eat a meal while it was still warm. So no picture for you.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-07T19:36:00.002-07:00

Stupid Blogger

2011-01-07T15:32:00.002-07:00

Forgive the lack of posts. Between business of life in general over the holidays and the fact Blogger decided to lock me out of my account, this blog fell pretty low on the "to-do" list. I will do my best to do better so those of you who are supposed to be working will have something to do while your slacking off. You know who you are.